one secret of life is that the reason life works at all is that not everyone in your tribe is nuts on the same day. another secret is that laughter is carbonated holiness.
rule 1: when all else fails, follow instructions. and rule 2: don't be an asshole.
big news from the shillington house!
we're having a baby! it's true. yes, i know many of you will wonder how such a thing could be. let me assure you. if my wife were not pregnant, she would merely be quickly gaining belly fat, and that would be a bad thing. this is not a bad thing. she is pregnant. we are now in the twelfth week. yesterday karen had her first meeting with our midwife and she got to hear the heartbeat! amazing! this thing is the size of a lime, but it has a heartbeat and fingers and toes and is beginning to develop into a wee little boy or girl.
karen's been really sick so far, but the first trimester is almost over and she is starting to feel a little better. also the midwife gave her some meds that are supposed to help.
it's incredible! i'm really excited, but i also have those (as karen so eloquently described them) "oh, shit, what have we done!" moments. the sense of responsibility is beginning to set in already. we're due september 5.
i want to record an album. and i mean a good studio recording. problem is it costs quite a bundle. i'm beginning to save for it, and i am wondering if there is anyone out there who would be interested in helping finance my project. any takers? free cd after it's completed for any contributions of $30 or more.
i have found that the last week or so i have been gettting cold feet about the electrician thing. i'm having a hard timefinding someone to hire me and have been a little discouraged by that.starting to wonder if it is really what i want to do for the next fiveyears. i'm actually starting to think that perhaps i'm more ready to pastor again than ithought i was. i still have some issues i'm working through in my head and heart. karen and i had a good chat about it the other night before we went to sleep. she was reminding me to try to figure out what i'm really passionate about in life, and go do something to do with that. as i reflect on this, i think about how angry i become at the thought of people being turned away from discovering christ because of an interaction with a person claiming to be a christ follower. i think about how hard i have struggled to discover a faith that is genuine. i think about how much i want to help others discover a genuine, lifechanging faith in christ, about how much i am starting to believe the message jesus proclaims. i think about how frustrated i am with religion that has stripped itself of the life it is supposed to carry. i think this (finding genuine faith and helping point the way for others) is what i am most passionate about...more than anything else i can think of. these are not the musings of an electrician.
i have other thoughts too. thoughts that aren't so happy and encouraging, but give direction just the same. i remember what it was like when i was a pastor before. i remember the miserable days in the office, doing my best to fill time so i could go home. i remember how much i dreaded going into work so many days. sure there were good days too...moments of joy and revelation and seeing what God was doing. but overall my job drained me, and i don't want to go back to that. so when i ponder the pastorate, i find fear in me. fear that i'll be miserable again. these thoughts are leading me to the conclusion, however, that the way i was pastoring before - that what i thought being a pastor was and the way i carried that out - was shite. shite for me anyway. i think that if i am ever to be a pastor again i need to learn a new way of being apastor. i need to rethink, reimagine what being a pastor can look like. i don't think i was doing it well before, at least not in a way that really engaged mypassions and gifts and got me excited.
anyway, these are new thoughts (as of the past few days) and i would
as i think and pray through them. i think it would be accurate to say i'm really not sure about which way togo right now (electrician or pastor). both directions have their ups and downs....
