what if...

i've really been thinking a lot lately about what my faith really is and how that will affect how i live my life. essentially i've been rediscovering what my faith is all about. it seems somewhat strange - for a kid who grew up in church and graduated from bible college with a four year degree in religion to just now be catching on to what it's all about. but really i don't know any other way to explain it. it's like what i've known for so long in my head is finally starting to make sense in my heart. and it's been an agonizing process.

what has really been resonating with me of late has been the idea, or truth, that God loves me unconditionally. i have known this for years, but i have been realizing that my idea of God has been of a god who wants me to behave right and keeps track of all my failings to make sure i have asked forgiveness for them and all that. i am leaving that god behind. the God i am discovering, and the God i believe revealed himself in the bible and in Jesus Christ, is a God who loves me without end, as i am - not as i should be, and who accentuates the good in me, not the bad.

here's a thought i was chewing on last night. what if Jesus Christ took all of God's punishment for sin upon himself so that God no longer punishes sin? what if what we often interpret as punishment for sin is really the natural consequence of choosing to walk away from God? more importantly, what if when God looks at my failings he no longer sees them as something worthy of punishment, but as something that prevents me from running toward him? in other words, what if God sees every person from a relational perspective rather than a legal one because the legal stuff has all been taken care of through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ? what if God now sees every person as a prodigal son guilty and imprisoned - the father has paid the bail to free every person and pardoned their guilt - now he is doing all he can to get us to leave our cells and come home? if sin creates a chasm between us and God, and if God cannot be in relationship with sinful people because his very nature demands holiness, and if Jesus Christ filled that chasm in so that we can now approach God and enter into relationship with him, then what happens when i sin as a christ-follower? if sin creates a chasm, wouldn't my relationship be instantly broken as it was for adam and eve? ahhh, here's the beauty of it all. if all of God's judgment for sin was taken by Christ and God no longer sees my sin as something to judge, then my relationship with God is secure in knowing that his love covers a multitude of my sins and he lovingly chooses to stick with me through all my screw-ups and help me to keep running toward him. in other words, what if God cannot judge my sin any more because doing so would mean that he cannot be in relationship with me? and any consequences we experience at the end of life are due to our own choice to run toward God or away from him, not from an act of judgment by God himself. this transforms as well our idea of hell. hell not as a place where God banishes people as an act of judgment, but a place where God allows people to experience the consequences of their choice to be absent from him. we condemn ourselves to hell when we reject relationship with God.

for me this is a transformational way of thinking about God. if God no longer judges my sin (all judgment has been taken by Christ) then i no longer have to feel shame for my failings. i mean this not to say that we should feel no remorse or guilt and sin as much as we want, but that those persistent nagging feelings of shame and self-loathing that for me are often associated with failings are merely useless projections. projections because i often imagine God seeing me as i see myself and as a result think that i need to try really hard to be a better person so that i will make him happy. with this other way of seeing things, i am realizing that God likes me just as much in my sinful state as he does in my righteous state, and knowing that gives my soul rest. i don't have to try as hard - in this i live to please as a response to love, not as a requirement to be loved. and this is way easier to do when i know he already likes me and is pleased with me.