i work on a roofing crew. by reputation, roofing crews are made up of rough men, and mine is no exception. these guys tell stories of doing things many would be shocked to hear, all as if it's no more than another normal day. three of them are facing charges that could send them to prison. i love them all.
here's the thing: i want to be a positive influence on the world around me. i am trying to learn how the love of God penetrates even the darkest places...and i am still left puzzling over this many days. i find too often i get caught up in their way of doing things more than i would like to admit. swearing is one thing. "admiring the beauty" of girls walking by is another. (rooftops afford an excellent view.)
my heart is disturbed. i feel quiet murmers within my chest, whispers that all is not well.
i am left leaning on grace.
i decided i don't like to swear. and checking out girls feels disrespectful to me. even as i write this i am hoping my wife doesn't read it. and yet...
maybe she will. i need her grace too. i am full of weakness. it is often in her words and in her arms that i find the grace of God. it is often in her presence that i am reminded where my priorities really lie, where the space i want my life to be is found.
many swears and rooftop views are not that space.
how can Jesus shine through me? how can my hands and voice become the channel he can use in the places i walk? this is the direction i long to go. this is the space i want to live in.
today i feel far away, in need of grace. tomorrow maybe i will see some jesus at work, or maybe not. either way i have to try. i have to believe that jesus will use me somehow, and that his light in my life can make a difference in dark places. i have to hope.
until next time, enjoy my brokeback picture.
8.20.2006
heart rustlings and many swears
8.14.2006
squirmon
for those of you who are interested, you can listen to the talk i gave at next on july 9 here. if that doesn't work, go here and click on the link to it in the sidebar.
this sunday is the 30th anniversary of the church my grandfather helped start in kingston. this is a picture from the groundbreaking. i think he's the tall guy in the middle toward the left. the woman in the front with the blue dress is my grandmother.
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