so, it's another christmas come and gone. our church had a successful christmas eve service and sunday morning. i was in charge so of course it was amazing.
i think i am going to move from reading james to romans now. james is all about real faith being shown in how we act - what we do. romans delves more into the realm of grace and faith and free gifts and whatnot. that is what i am struggling to learn and understand right now, so maybe romans will be helpful.
for sunday morning past i was studying isaiah 7 - the passage dealing with king ahaz and the sign of immanuel. i believe that this passage shows how stubborn we humans can be to try to save ourselves in our own way. ahaz insisted on bringing the assyrians to help him out instead of trusting God to take care of them. and the result was that he screwed his country over big time - it didn't work. in all this muddling i am trying to do through grace-realm, i am thinking more and more strongly every day that i will never appreciate grace until i realize how i am completely lost and hopelessly incapable of saving myself. if i do not realize that then grace means nothing. why would i need grace if i don't need saving? i have to know i am lost.
i don't think i do all the time - at least, i struggle with it. i've been a good boy. santa has never brought me coal. what have i ever done that would condemn me? i mean, other than my pride and selfishness and... but really, i've never killed anyone. i've never done drugs. i've never slapped around innocent children in a drunken stupor. why would i need a saviour? why would i need a messiah?
unless i know i am hopelessly lost i will never want grace. i will never appreciate grace. understanding my lost-ness first and foremost is the beginning step to real life with Christ. i think that it is when i learn this lesson that i will be able to understand the freedom that grace gives me. being completely unable to save myself and finding myself suddenly saved - for free - i think would be a revolutionary and transformational experience. there is nothing i can do to make God like me more. there is nothing i can do to make myself more saved than i already am. i'm free. completely and gloriously free - for free. i can't even begin to get my head around it. i am only just now starting to peek around the corner and it makes me wondrously excited.
12.30.2004
stuff and nonsense
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2 comments:
I think you're very right. As I think back in my life the times I felt closest to God were the time I felt the most lost. Not confused lost. Sinful lost.
If it helps, I'll let you do something really mean to me so you can feel like a scumbag for a second and then let grace abound...oh wait...nevermind. Maybe I should read Romans too.
Good thoughts, Brando. I think you're on the right track. I don't think any of us will ever fully understand grace, but understanding our own need of grace is a good place to start.
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