dream-ology

i had a dream the other night. it went something like this:

it was night, but not pitch black. i could still see from the lights of the city around me. i was at work and found myself climbing on the top of the highest tower of a huge stone church. it was an old wooden roof, and as i reached the peak i broke through some rotted wood and began falling. it felt like a long fall through the tower and out into the huge cathedral-like sanctuary, but i didn’t feel afraid. i was thinking about the likelihood of living through the fall, wondering what i would land on, thinking i would probably die and this sucked.

next thing i knew i was at the bottom of the sanctuary looking around, wondering what i landed on. then i noticed my body. i had landed on the wooden pews, with the back of my head smashed open on the edge of one. i thought to myself that i definitely did not have a soft landing and immediately realized that i was dead. i remember being aware that i was dead, but felt no pain, and was acutely conscious of my still being me – just my body was gone. i remember also being aware that i was supposed to continue on to the afterlife, but it was my choice to do so. i had a passing thought that perhaps ghosts (understood as the spirits of dead people with unresolved issues) could exist as people who had died but had refused to move on to their afterlife. i had no desire to do this, however. i knew i needed to move on and knew that i would.

soon after i fell, my coworkers came in to see if i was ok. they saw my body there dead, and me standing nearby. i calmly explained to them that i had fallen through the roof and landed on the pew and was now dead, and i was obviously disappointed this had happened. i didn’t want to be dead, but there was now nothing i could do about it.

knowing that i needed to move on to my afterlife, i first wanted to go say goodbye to my wife. so i went home to tell her that i had a tragic accident at work and was now dead. she was distraught, as could be expected, but also handled the news fairly calmly. i remember holding her, saying goodbye, knowing this was goodbye for a long time. i remember thinking or perhaps saying for her to feel free to find another person to share her life with – wanting her to be happy, to move on with her life.

also, while all this was happening to me, she had given birth to our baby. so when i arrived to tell her i was dead, she had news to tell me. i remember feeling so disappointed and hurt that i had missed the birth of our child, and even more sad that i would miss out on watching him grow up. then she told me that she named him jebediah. i remember feeling confused and angry and hurt that she gave him that name instead of one of the names that we had discussed. i didn’t like the name jebediah, and i remember thinking that the least she could do after my tragic death would be to give the child the name i had wanted for him, or even to name him after me. she seemed at this point in my dream like she was moving on past my death and was ready to say goodbye. she wasn’t fazed at all that i didn’t like Jebediah, but seemed like she expected me to just deal with it since i wasn’t there and it was all now up to her to raise him. i remember feeling hurt by this, and very sad at having to say goodbye to my wife and child when our lives together were just beginning, sad that i would miss so much.

then i woke up.

here's some stuff i found on this website about dream interpretations. there's some interesting bits...

Death
To dream of your own death, indicates a transitional phase in your life. You are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Alternatively, you are trying desperately to escape the demands of your daily life.
Die
To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such a dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.
Fall
To dream that you fall and are not frightened, signifies that you will overcome your adversities with ease.
To dream that you fall and are frightened, indicates a lack of control, insecurity, and/or lack of support in your waking life. You may be experiencing some major struggle and/or overwhelming problem. It may denote that you have failed to achieve a goal that you have set forth for yourself.
To dream that you are free-falling through water, indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed with emotions. You may feel that it is easier to give up then to try to stay afloat or prevent yourself from going under.
Family
To see your own family in your dream, represents security, warmth and love. Consider also the significance of a particular family member or the relationship you have with them.
Wife
To see your wife in your dream, signifies discord and unresolved issues.
Son
To see your son in your dream, signifies your ideal, hopes, potential, and the youthful part of yourself. On the other hand, to see your son in your dream might not have any significance and is simply mirroring your waking life. The dream may also be a pun on "sun".