while i was on holidays i read a book called east of eden by john steinbeck. it was really thick and really good. anyway, there was one bit in the book where they got talking about the story of cain and abel from genesis chapter four. one character did a study on the original hebrew of the verse where God tells cain that sin lies at his door and he must master it. anyway, it was quite neat the way steinbeck developed the thought. he showed the character comparing this idea of mastering the sin from several translations... kjv says "thou shalt" master it, communicating an idea that he will conquer the sin, it's predestined for him to do so. but the asv says "do thou," communicating the idea that it is a command for him to do so. the character in the story dug into the original hebrew meaning and found the word timshel which means in the character's words "thou mayest." this idea is communicated in most modern translations as "you must," or "you've got to," or "you should" rule/master/conquer it, which communicates the idea that cain had a choice - not a command, not predestined to succeed or fail, but a choice that he had to make. steinbeck's character in the story was impacted with the import of that truth, saying, "that makes a man of you!"
it is so true! knowing that God has woven into the design of our world the opportunity for us to make real choices and decisions with real consequences that echo in eternity makes men and women of us! it means that we matter, that we have worth, that God says we are important. it means that everything that i do counts for something. it means that i have the opportunity to be a slimeball or to be someone great. it means that God has given me the potential to be good, to do rightly, to become what i was created to be. the opportunity to be a man lies at my feet waiting for me to take it. it is my choice, given to me by a God who designed me with the capacity to grow and become and choose.
steinbeck's east of eden dealt with this theme throughout the book, showing characters wrestling to discover their hidden goodness and strength, battling with the sin on their doorstep, the temptations drawing them, wondering if they were destined to repeat the sins of their fathers and mothers, struggling to live rightly. steinbeck ends his book with a father blessing his son who was wrestling with this very issue by saying, "timshel" - thou mayest.
choice, it makes a man of you.
7.21.2005
east of eden
camping
well, karen and i had a good camping trip. she's a trooper. we had great weather for the first two days - hot, sunny, perfect for swimming at the beach or lounging in my chair reading a book. saturday, however, the heavens opened and unleashed a deluge complete with thunder and lightning. it was great. i convinced karen that we should go for a bike ride in the rain, so we did. we went down a trail through the forest that we had walked the day before. it was awesome and we were completely soaked by the end. good times. the rest of that day and that evening was a little wet, but we were mostly dry in our little tent and the rain let up enough for us to pack up the next day. i gave everything a good hosing down and drying out when we got home.
now tomorrow we're off to severn bridge camp north of orillia. i was there three years ago and we're going back this year. they asked me to be the youth coordinator/director/whatever for their family camp. should be a fun time. so i'll be back home the 31st.
cheerio.
7.14.2005
holidays
this week i took off for a week of holidays and much needed rest. we just returned from visiting with my aunt and uncle (and cousin) in pennsylvania. we had a good time seeing some of the amish culture in lancaster and taking in the Ruth play at sights and sounds theatre.
today we are heading to lake simcoe for some camping. this will be karen and my first camping trip together, and her first trip for more than one night. and the weather forecast says possible rain, so i'm a little nervous. i'm praying for sunny days.
7.05.2005
life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?
i read a post here that brought to mind thoughts i have about the USA. for background, the bulk of the first seventeen years of my life were lived there. i am an american citizen and was raised in that environment. my home was a mixture of american and canadian culture with an american mother and canadian father. with that, i was blessed with parents who did not accept all as it would seem, but gave me the ability to critique and evaluate for myself when it came to countries and where i would call home.
the post i read talked about the founding principles of the USA - the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. this is what i would like to talk about for a bit. actually i would like to spark a friendly debate. i have an issue i struggle with...
i struggle with these founding principles of the USA. rather, i struggle with reconciling them with my growing understanding of the gospel of jesus christ. to put it plainly, i think they stem from and encourage a worldview that is not compatible with what jesus calls us to in this world.
rights: as a christian i give up my rights, i am a slave of God sent to serve those around me. i have no "right" to demand my "rights" - however, i also recognize that the issues of justice and so on that the founding fathers were fighting for are things that all people should, ideally, experience. i just struggle with the idea that as a christian i would fight for my "rights"
life and liberty: again, as a christian i am guaranteed no such thing. i heard about a chinese pastor the other day who had been imprisoned several times for his faith, and as he was in prison, his parishoners were not praying for his release, but that he would have the strength to share jesus where he was at. also, in scripture i see no promises of liberty or even life - instead jesus asks me to give up my life to serve people around me.
pursuit of happiness: this is the main one that i struggle with - as a christian am i ever, anywhere in scripture, told that i have a right to pursue personal happiness? i have not seen it. i have seen that happiness comes from pursuing God. this idea that we have a right to pursue happiness seems to me to be centrally selfish. it may not be, but that is how it seems to me.
i do not mean to offend, please pardon me if i do. rather, this is coming from one who was raised in the USA and taught from early childhood that these founding principles were the glorious pinnacle of governmental principles based on christian ideals. now, however, i wonder if they really are, or if they just seem really nice...
i am not meaning to critique the USA or the intentions of the founding fathers, but rather to ask genuine questions from my own searching as i seek to discover what being a christian is really all about, and whether what i was taught as a child is really all it is often thought to be...
what are your thoughts? please, no angry venom here...i want honest discussion of the core issues i addressed. i welcome your opinions.
6.28.2005
atrocities in darfur
i saw a young woman in our church wearing a green band the other day. coloured silicone bands seem to be all the rage these days...every cause has it's own colour band. so i asked her what it was for. found out it was about the atrocities that have been going on for two years in the darfur region of sudan. i had not heard about them. so i asked her to send me some information. she did. i read about it here.
terrible stuff. war crimes of all sorts. a UN commission found thatGovernment forces and militias conducted indiscriminate attacks, including killing of civilians, torture, enforced disappearances, destruction of villages, rape and other forms of sexual violence, pillaging and forced displacement, throughout Darfur on a widespread and systematic basis.
this is awful stuff! you can read more here. i'm not even sure what to do about it. here is info about a protest in montreal august 25. it is the only event in canada they had scheduled on their website.Canada (event id#8)
Description: Protest 2:00pm, August 25th
Directions: Wallenberg Memorial, 600 De Maisoneuve West, Montreal
Event Type: Public
Contact Name: Chaim Steinmetz
Contact Info: rabbi@tbdj.org (514) 489-3841
6.27.2005
student ministry website
i recently conscripted a young woman in our church to create a website for our student ministry. well, i asked her and she consented.
anyway, i thought i was doing a good job of delegation and all that stuff i'm supposed to be good at when all of a sudden she asked me what she was going to put on the website. i quickly realized that creating a website includes quite a bit more than just designing it. so currently the ball is in my court as i gather information and write bits for the site.
have any of you developed websites for your ministries? any advice? can you give me the links to your sites so i can look at them and steal, i mean borrow, stuff?
white band day
july 1 is international white band day.
I follow in mr. lapointe's foosteps as i quote from makepovertyhistory.ca.
International White Band Day, July 1, will see people around the world wearing white bands and wrapping public buildings in white to send a message to the G8 world leaders that we demand action on
More and Better Aid
Canceling the Debt
Trade Justice
Ending Child Poverty in Canada
wear or display a white band. log on to makepovertyhistory.ca to email prime minister martin and encourage him to take action.
i will be and have.
6.16.2005
theological worldview
i took a quiz today here that told me this about my theological worldview. interesting...
Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan | 86% | ||
Emergent/Postmodern | 82% | ||
Neo orthodox | 61% | ||
Charismatic/Pentecostal | 39% | ||
Reformed Evangelical | 36% | ||
Roman Catholic | 36% | ||
Classical Liberal | 32% | ||
Fundamentalist | 21% | ||
Modern Liberal | 18% |
What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com
6.10.2005
gifted teens
i went to a highschool band end-of-year performance last night. it was in the cafeteria and was swelteringly humid and hot. there were ten or twelve teens involved in it that i knew. they all did a great job. one of the guys put together a video picture presentation that was very good. i know who i'll ask next time i need one done! two of the girls also sang a song that they had written while on a band trip. it was amazing. i knew that they had written one, but i hadn't heard it yet. one of the girls is usually quiet and reserved, but has a very beautiful voice so i am trying to build into her confidence whenever i can. the two of them blended beautifully, but it was the message of the song that really stuck out at me. it was all about God accepting us just as we are. it was so beautiful. that was the highlight of the night for me.
it makes me new
i wrote another song last night. i'm working on an album project. absolutely no idea when or where or how i'll ever record it, but it's fun putting songs together. it will be called "the end of the world as i knew it" or something like that and will be songs chronicling my spiritual journey of the past year. i've been wanting to write a song about God's love to put on it. it finally came last night. it's still unfinished, but i wanted to put it on here. check it out:
who am i to stumble by and think that i could ever do to please you
frail man that i am, still i go to try - try and try again
why do i try to try then fall down on my face and cry "i need you"
whisper, whisper in my ear and tell me that you'll take me as i am
this life i lead so many times feels so dry - so dry, so empty inside
i wonder why, when can i find this river wide, life inside, river deep - deep and wide
your love is all around me, it makes me new
the songs you sing over me - they cry out "i love you! i love you!"
the greatest thing - i'll sing and sing - about this love, the kind of love that frees you
freed man that i am, now i'll always sing - sing and sing again
life is new, found in you, and from now on i'll live my life to please you
you whispered, whispered in my ear and told me that you love me as i am
the life i led so many times felt so dry - so dry, so empty inside
but now i cry, you gave me life - a river wide, life inside, river deep - deep and wide
your love is overwhelming, it makes me new
the songs you sing over me - they cry out "i love you! i love you!"
6.07.2005
makepovertyhistory.ca
i've been learning during the past six months or so more about world issues regarding fair trade and poverty. there is much that we can do as a nation of rich people. today i have begun to act.
although i do not have millions or even thousands of dollars to give to help in the cause, i do have a voice. tonight i joined the big noise at maketradefair.com and sent some letters to some canadian politicians (in an effort to persuade them to make the right decision at the upcoming G8 summit in scotland) at makepovertyhistory.ca.
i am also going to try to order some of the white bands from makepovertyhistory.ca to support the cause and hopefully attend the Live8 concert in ottawa if it happens on july 2.
this is a new thing for me...getting involved in these types of things. but the more i learn about jesus the more i think that he would care about these issues. and that gives me courage.
visit the sites. use your voice. we can make a difference.
5.31.2005
episode three
karen and i watched star wars: episode three the other week, and it had an intensely spiritual impact on me. let me explain.
first off i'll say that i'm not a big star wars fan. i didn't even know what they were until highschool and didn't watch all three of the originals till college. i thought one and two were pretty cheesy so i wasn't sure what to expect from episode three other than a tying together of the story.
as i had watched one and two, anakin's obvious decline had been bothering me. he started off as such a beautiful boy, so to imagine him becoming the dreadful darth vadar was no fun. when i watched the original three, darth vadar was this hateful character. i just wanted him to die so that right would triumph. episode three tied together the journey from beautiful boy to the dark side, and i found it incredibly disturbing and spiritual.
i have been learning much of late about God's love and have been re-understanding my view of our sinful nature being characterized primarily by a brokenness, a terrible wound that affects us all, resulting in a tendency toward wrong choices. i have been learning to see us through God's eyes, as people that he loves no matter where we are or what we do, and his redemptive action is an action to free a captive people as well as to forgive rebellious children. our rebelliousness is the natural result of our woundedness.
so as i watched anakin's decline i found myself seeing him through the eyes of a loving father rather than of a hateful enemy. i began to understand the evil that he became as the natural result of wrong choices and deceit from the evil one. he didn't become evil overnight. he was drawn toward it by good desires led astray into wrong choices. it was a gradual process until he reached the point of no return. i cannot hate darth vadar any longer, but rather feel remorse and pity for what he became.
as i watched anakin's decline and began to realize that i no longer hated darth vadar, i began to understand in a greater degree how God sees us in our sinfulness - how God sees me in my sinfulness. he does not hate us even when we become so fallen into sin. i began to understand in a much deeper way the love of God for sinful, fallen humanity. i began to understand better how God could love the most sin-twisted soul just as much as he loves the greatest saint. because he sees the whole picture, just as i now see the whole picture for anakin. God knows that we were all supposed to be beautiful. we are all supposed to be good. and he doesn't hate us for our sinfulness, but rather loves us and gives his very life to free us from our bondage.
this is very good news.
5.20.2005
5.19.2005
shades of grey
i find anne lamott's writing challenges my faith in uncomfortable and troublesome ways. i read about her walk through life being so messy yet full of trust in God, holding significantly different theological positions from myself yet possessing an honesty and heart for service that put my selfish heart to shame. she writes of life in a way that is both troubling and beautiful. as i read i find myself simultaneously laughing and crying, in the same moment disagreeing with her and wishing with all my heart for a mere morsel of the honest faith that she seems to posess. i find the things about life with God that i have for so long thought to be so important, so black and white, beginning to fade into shades of grey. this bothers me. this confuses me. this makes me question and wonder and cry out to God with silent tearful sobs of longing. where is the life that Jesus promised us, promised me? the life that this woman, with all her weaknesses and mistakes, seems to grasp and hold onto with such abundance and wonderful reckless abandon. how can i find this? this freedom to love myself, to forgive my failings and constant inability to measure up to any kind of standard that i ever thought was important.
the terrible truth that is slowly sinking into my heart is that i am hopelessly lost, utterly unable to pull myself out of my self-centered existence for one minute to genuinely love a fellow being. i am completely incabable of this, to think of another above myself long enough to actually begin to live that way. to forget about myself long enough to see myself as Jesus sees me, and to begin to like myself as i am - or even love myself. this is a beginning at least...to know that i am lost. for it is here, in my lost-ness, that i begin to cry out the most genuine prayers that i can pray. prayers that don't have any words because i don't know the words, don't really even know what to ask for or say. i only know that i need help. maybe that is the best prayer of all, "help!"
anne lamott
i just finished reading anne lamott's new book plan b: further thoughts on faith. it was another one of those books that i started reading and didn't stop until i had finished it. seems i've been finding a lot of those lately... except this one was 320 pages.
here are a couple quotes i liked:One secret of life is that the reason life works at all is that not everyone in your tribe is nuts on the same day. Another secret is that laughter is carbonated holiness.
this was my favorite one:Rule 1: When all else fails, follow instructions. And Rule 2: Don't be an asshole.
5.14.2005
what if...
i've really been thinking a lot lately about what my faith really is and how that will affect how i live my life. essentially i've been rediscovering what my faith is all about. it seems somewhat strange - for a kid who grew up in church and graduated from bible college with a four year degree in religion to just now be catching on to what it's all about. but really i don't know any other way to explain it. it's like what i've known for so long in my head is finally starting to make sense in my heart. and it's been an agonizing process.
what has really been resonating with me of late has been the idea, or truth, that God loves me unconditionally. i have known this for years, but i have been realizing that my idea of God has been of a god who wants me to behave right and keeps track of all my failings to make sure i have asked forgiveness for them and all that. i am leaving that god behind. the God i am discovering, and the God i believe revealed himself in the bible and in Jesus Christ, is a God who loves me without end, as i am - not as i should be, and who accentuates the good in me, not the bad.
here's a thought i was chewing on last night. what if Jesus Christ took all of God's punishment for sin upon himself so that God no longer punishes sin? what if what we often interpret as punishment for sin is really the natural consequence of choosing to walk away from God? more importantly, what if when God looks at my failings he no longer sees them as something worthy of punishment, but as something that prevents me from running toward him? in other words, what if God sees every person from a relational perspective rather than a legal one because the legal stuff has all been taken care of through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ? what if God now sees every person as a prodigal son guilty and imprisoned - the father has paid the bail to free every person and pardoned their guilt - now he is doing all he can to get us to leave our cells and come home? if sin creates a chasm between us and God, and if God cannot be in relationship with sinful people because his very nature demands holiness, and if Jesus Christ filled that chasm in so that we can now approach God and enter into relationship with him, then what happens when i sin as a christ-follower? if sin creates a chasm, wouldn't my relationship be instantly broken as it was for adam and eve? ahhh, here's the beauty of it all. if all of God's judgment for sin was taken by Christ and God no longer sees my sin as something to judge, then my relationship with God is secure in knowing that his love covers a multitude of my sins and he lovingly chooses to stick with me through all my screw-ups and help me to keep running toward him. in other words, what if God cannot judge my sin any more because doing so would mean that he cannot be in relationship with me? and any consequences we experience at the end of life are due to our own choice to run toward God or away from him, not from an act of judgment by God himself. this transforms as well our idea of hell. hell not as a place where God banishes people as an act of judgment, but a place where God allows people to experience the consequences of their choice to be absent from him. we condemn ourselves to hell when we reject relationship with God.
for me this is a transformational way of thinking about God. if God no longer judges my sin (all judgment has been taken by Christ) then i no longer have to feel shame for my failings. i mean this not to say that we should feel no remorse or guilt and sin as much as we want, but that those persistent nagging feelings of shame and self-loathing that for me are often associated with failings are merely useless projections. projections because i often imagine God seeing me as i see myself and as a result think that i need to try really hard to be a better person so that i will make him happy. with this other way of seeing things, i am realizing that God likes me just as much in my sinful state as he does in my righteous state, and knowing that gives my soul rest. i don't have to try as hard - in this i live to please as a response to love, not as a requirement to be loved. and this is way easier to do when i know he already likes me and is pleased with me.
5.07.2005
the love of God is greater far...
i had a great trip to nb with my dad. i was able to see some friends i hadn't seen in a while and be there with my sister for her graduation. it was a really good trip for me.
my dad brought me a copy of some messages by brennan manning that i have been listening to. they are excellent. it is a series of five sermons given at a camp in washington state and the overall topic is healing our image of God and ourselves. he says that the primary message of Jesus is that God is abba - daddy - and that is how we are to address him. how are we to pray? our father, our abba, our daddy, who is in heaven... manning says that God loves us as we are, not as we should be, and that this absolutely unbreakable and unearned love can heal our identity and transform our life.
anyway, his thoughts are really hitting me where i need it and are tying in well with what i have been learning from other reading i've been doing - especially from searching for God knows what by donald miller. i really think i am understanding the true message of the gospel better than i ever have in my life. it is becoming something i understand rather than just know. God is up to something in my life.
on an unrelated note: the past two weeks have been car hell or something like that. my car is a 1995 toyota corolla that is in good shape with low kilometers and up to this point has given me little trouble. however, before i went to nb i had to replace a seized caliper on the front left wheel - $400 (cha-ching). while in nb it overheated and i had to get some quick repairs in sussex before we drove home - $40 (cha-ching). when i got home, it overheated on me while i was driving to church. i never made it to church because i had to get my car towed into canadian tire to find out what was wrong - $50 (cha-ching). i found out that i had to replace the head gasket. i have yet to get it back from the shop, but it will probably be $1000+ (cha-ching). and to top it off, today on karen's car (2002 mazda protege 5 sport) we had to replace a seized caliper (dejavu?), except this time on the rear right wheel. God be praised the warranty covered most of it. when it rains it pours, as my grandmother says.
4.21.2005
i'm on my way
i'm making the trip.
yes, i am driving to Noveau Brunswick. i've done it once since graduation three years ago and hated it. it took so much longer than i remembered! plus i got a speeding ticket from some grumpy french cop, or was i the grumpy one? anyway, i'm coming back next week for my sister's graduation. my dad is flying into toronto and we are driving up together. i figure one more visit to ye olde alma mater can't hurt too much.
i would love to see as many of you my friends as possible in that short time. we will arrive thursday early afternoon and leave friday early afternoon. so i have a few hours to visit.
you know who you are. let's make it happen.
4.13.2005
a rant ... of sorts
right now in canada the big deal is the fight for the traditional definition of marriage. i have struggled with this. i believe strongly in marriage. i think that it is one of the greatest illustrations we have of relationship with God, and one of the greatest opportunities we have to love on people (in and through the marriage and family). i also believe the practice of homosexuality is a distortion of God's good intention for us and contrary to his good plan for us. however, i cannot in good conscience join the fight for the traditional definition of marriage.
why? several reasons. i think that the church on the whole (there are exceptions) has done a terrible job of loving those we don't like. homosexual people already face persecution in our culture, and instead of providing a safe haven the church has contributed to the persecution. we have become a place where people are afraid to admit their weaknesses, struggles, and sinful behaviour for fear that they will be judged, condemned, or shunned. i am afraid that fighting to defend the traditional definition of marriage only contributes to an already ugly image that our culture has of the christian church. i realize that Christ told us that the world will hate us, but are they supposed to hate us because we hate them back or because our love and acceptance is so radical that they can't stand it?
donald miller in searching for God knows what puts voice to some thoughts that have been developing in me better than i ever could. here is some of what he said:
A moral message, a message of us vs them, overflowing in war rhetoric, never hindered the early message of grace, of repentance toward dead works and immorality in exchange for a love relationship with Christ. War rhetoric against people is not the methodology, not the sort of communication that came out of the mouth of Jesus or the mouths of any of His followers. In fact, even today, moralists who use war rhetoric will speak of right and wrong, and even some vague and angry god, but never Jesus. Listen closely, and I assure you, they will not talk about Jesus.
In my opinion, if you hate somebody because they are different from you, you'd best get on your knees and repent until you can say you love them, until you have gotten your soul right with Christ.
I can't say this clearly enough: If we are preaching morality without Christ, and using war rhetoric to communicate a battle mentality, we are fighting on Satan's side. This battle we are in is a battle against the principalities of darkness, not against people who are different from us. In war you shoot the enemy, not the hostage. (pp. 190-191)
4.12.2005
a new kind of christian
i finished reading a new kind of christian by brian mclaren today. it was very thought provoking. i have that feeling like i was privileged to listen in on a conversation that was incredibly insightful, but that also sent me reeling. i feel like there is so much that i've already forgotten, so much to ponder, so much to let sink in. i think i need to let my mind soak for a while. in fact, my mind is so overloaded, i don't even have the wherewithall to post a summary of some of the most challenging ideas here for discussion. maybe later.
for now, if you have read the book, what did you think of his ideas about modern and postmodern, individual and corporate salvation, and/or heaven and hell?
