thanks to the stellar music review skills of my friend grady (review found here), i picked up a copy of the killers: hot fuss. another friend pointed out that they had a limited edition out so i got that one. it has three extra songs on it. we listened to this incredible album quite a bit on the way to and from the coldplay concert in darien lake, which was absolutely amazing. the energy, the quality, the beautiful music soared through my body as i danced, swayed, bobbed and sang my lungs out. i did not leave disappointed. in fact, if i could have, i would have gone again the next night. alas, i only had one spare kidney.
we also were able to enjoy the sweet aroma of burning weed during the concert. our seats were close to one edge of the outdoor arena, and the breeze was blowing in toward us from the smokers on the side. at least it smelled better than cigarettes...it didn't bother me too much. not like the drunk ladies behind us who happened to have the most annoying cackle's i have ever heard. that's right...it wasn't a laugh...it was a cackle. fortunately they weren't too bad during coldplay, more so in the time between rilo kiley and coldplay. ...quite the experience. overall, i had a great time.
if you'd like to read more about coldplay and their concerts, i recommend another grady review found here.
9.15.2005
recent aquisition
8.29.2005
el fine
i resigned from kingston-west yesterday. well, yesterday was the day it became public. it was a sudden thing of sorts. while i was away at camp at the end of july i felt God leading me in this direction and after much prayer, talking with karen, and thinking about it i finally went through with it.
i didn't resign because of any conflict or anything. everything was going peachy-keen. it's actually an extension of the process God has been working in me over the past year. i am feeling that i need to take some time away from pastoral ministry to chase after God and his leading in fine-tuning my call to ministry. at this point i am not sure what i will do. we are going to stay in kingston to be close to my aging grandparents, and i will look for a job somewhere doing something. hopefully something useful, but you never know.
i am very excited. it's sad saying goodbye to the church after three years, but mostly i am excited for what God has next for us. i am going to be staying in contact with free methodist leadership and finding a mentor through this period so that it is as intentional of a growth period as possible, and hope that at the end of the day i will be more ready to serve again in a church than i am now or ever have been.
september eleven will be my last sunday at the church. two weeks. it will go by fast. pastor mike asked me if i wanted to do anything that sunday, so karen and i will be singing a few songs. one is a song that i wrote especially for that day. the imagery in the song is from the story of peter stepping out of the boat to walk on the water. karen and i have been reading john ortberg's book if you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat and it has been excellent through this time.
if i had an electric guitar it would have a pop-punk rock-ish sound, but for now i play it on acoustic. i'll have to see if i can get some rough recordings of these to put on here so you can hear my songs instead of just read them. i did some on a tape recorder the other day and they turned out all right. quite rough, but it would give you an idea of what the song feels like. have to figure out how to get them from there to here first though...
anyway, that's the latest in the life of brandon. news that's been coming for a while, but i had to wait until it went public before i posted it here.
8.18.2005
x&y
have i mentioned that i am going to see coldplay september 1? have i told you this yet? have i mentioned how excited i am? oh boy, am i ever excited. i hardly know what to say. i want to pee my pants right now just thinking about it. i can hardly wait.
have i mentioned that i am going to see coldplay?
8.16.2005
sermonization and...uhh...
i'm preaching two sundays from now. it's been a while. i'm thinking i'll develop that thought i wrote about a couple posts back about choice (east of eden). it seems like good sermon fodder and is relevant to what God has been teaching me lately.
on an unrelated note: i hate throwing up, unless it makes me feel better. the day of our move from belleville to kingston was a scorcher, and i was working hard and drinking little. being somewhat out of shape and overweight, i began to feel ill. by the time i had driven the truck to kingston i had that queasy, need to puke feeling. i could barely help unload the truck. i was very grateful for the help we received from the church people that day, but i felt like such a louse just standing there while they carried all the big stuff. i felt awful - on the verge of upchuck but unable to do so. finally after everyone was gone i decided enough was enough. i still had one more load to get (i didn't get a big enough truck so had to make two trips) and knew that i would feel better once it came up, so i walked back in the woods behind the house we moved into and made myself throw up. the worst about throwing up from overheating are the dry heaves that follow the stomach empty-ing heaves. anyway, i laid down for a short nap afterwards and soon was feeling much better. many thanks to all those who helped with our move.
8.10.2005
happenings
thanks all for your comments on the last posting. apologies i haven't put anything up for a while. lots of big stuff happening... we just moved to an apartment in kingston - it's huge, a great blessing from God for us. so my computer has been packed up and we don't have a phone line yet in the new place as bell employees have been on strike and they are behind in their work.
so yeah, i'm doing this from the church so better keep it short. there's more going on too, but i'll update on that toward the end of the month. it'll be sporadic for a while so hang on. if i have any good thoughts i'll put them up, but for now this is all i've got.
oh, for those of you who saw my long hair i got a haircut finally. for those of you who haven't seen me in three years "long" and "cut" are relative terms. it's still longer than in my old bbc days. we have some film to get developed, so maybe we'll get some decent pics i can post. i haven't quite made it to the digital age yet...
not that any of that matters...
anyway, cheerio.
7.21.2005
east of eden
while i was on holidays i read a book called east of eden by john steinbeck. it was really thick and really good. anyway, there was one bit in the book where they got talking about the story of cain and abel from genesis chapter four. one character did a study on the original hebrew of the verse where God tells cain that sin lies at his door and he must master it. anyway, it was quite neat the way steinbeck developed the thought. he showed the character comparing this idea of mastering the sin from several translations... kjv says "thou shalt" master it, communicating an idea that he will conquer the sin, it's predestined for him to do so. but the asv says "do thou," communicating the idea that it is a command for him to do so. the character in the story dug into the original hebrew meaning and found the word timshel which means in the character's words "thou mayest." this idea is communicated in most modern translations as "you must," or "you've got to," or "you should" rule/master/conquer it, which communicates the idea that cain had a choice - not a command, not predestined to succeed or fail, but a choice that he had to make. steinbeck's character in the story was impacted with the import of that truth, saying, "that makes a man of you!"
it is so true! knowing that God has woven into the design of our world the opportunity for us to make real choices and decisions with real consequences that echo in eternity makes men and women of us! it means that we matter, that we have worth, that God says we are important. it means that everything that i do counts for something. it means that i have the opportunity to be a slimeball or to be someone great. it means that God has given me the potential to be good, to do rightly, to become what i was created to be. the opportunity to be a man lies at my feet waiting for me to take it. it is my choice, given to me by a God who designed me with the capacity to grow and become and choose.
steinbeck's east of eden dealt with this theme throughout the book, showing characters wrestling to discover their hidden goodness and strength, battling with the sin on their doorstep, the temptations drawing them, wondering if they were destined to repeat the sins of their fathers and mothers, struggling to live rightly. steinbeck ends his book with a father blessing his son who was wrestling with this very issue by saying, "timshel" - thou mayest.
choice, it makes a man of you.
camping
well, karen and i had a good camping trip. she's a trooper. we had great weather for the first two days - hot, sunny, perfect for swimming at the beach or lounging in my chair reading a book. saturday, however, the heavens opened and unleashed a deluge complete with thunder and lightning. it was great. i convinced karen that we should go for a bike ride in the rain, so we did. we went down a trail through the forest that we had walked the day before. it was awesome and we were completely soaked by the end. good times. the rest of that day and that evening was a little wet, but we were mostly dry in our little tent and the rain let up enough for us to pack up the next day. i gave everything a good hosing down and drying out when we got home.
now tomorrow we're off to severn bridge camp north of orillia. i was there three years ago and we're going back this year. they asked me to be the youth coordinator/director/whatever for their family camp. should be a fun time. so i'll be back home the 31st.
cheerio.
7.14.2005
holidays
this week i took off for a week of holidays and much needed rest. we just returned from visiting with my aunt and uncle (and cousin) in pennsylvania. we had a good time seeing some of the amish culture in lancaster and taking in the Ruth play at sights and sounds theatre.
today we are heading to lake simcoe for some camping. this will be karen and my first camping trip together, and her first trip for more than one night. and the weather forecast says possible rain, so i'm a little nervous. i'm praying for sunny days.
7.05.2005
life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?
i read a post here that brought to mind thoughts i have about the USA. for background, the bulk of the first seventeen years of my life were lived there. i am an american citizen and was raised in that environment. my home was a mixture of american and canadian culture with an american mother and canadian father. with that, i was blessed with parents who did not accept all as it would seem, but gave me the ability to critique and evaluate for myself when it came to countries and where i would call home.
the post i read talked about the founding principles of the USA - the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. this is what i would like to talk about for a bit. actually i would like to spark a friendly debate. i have an issue i struggle with...
i struggle with these founding principles of the USA. rather, i struggle with reconciling them with my growing understanding of the gospel of jesus christ. to put it plainly, i think they stem from and encourage a worldview that is not compatible with what jesus calls us to in this world.
rights: as a christian i give up my rights, i am a slave of God sent to serve those around me. i have no "right" to demand my "rights" - however, i also recognize that the issues of justice and so on that the founding fathers were fighting for are things that all people should, ideally, experience. i just struggle with the idea that as a christian i would fight for my "rights"
life and liberty: again, as a christian i am guaranteed no such thing. i heard about a chinese pastor the other day who had been imprisoned several times for his faith, and as he was in prison, his parishoners were not praying for his release, but that he would have the strength to share jesus where he was at. also, in scripture i see no promises of liberty or even life - instead jesus asks me to give up my life to serve people around me.
pursuit of happiness: this is the main one that i struggle with - as a christian am i ever, anywhere in scripture, told that i have a right to pursue personal happiness? i have not seen it. i have seen that happiness comes from pursuing God. this idea that we have a right to pursue happiness seems to me to be centrally selfish. it may not be, but that is how it seems to me.
i do not mean to offend, please pardon me if i do. rather, this is coming from one who was raised in the USA and taught from early childhood that these founding principles were the glorious pinnacle of governmental principles based on christian ideals. now, however, i wonder if they really are, or if they just seem really nice...
i am not meaning to critique the USA or the intentions of the founding fathers, but rather to ask genuine questions from my own searching as i seek to discover what being a christian is really all about, and whether what i was taught as a child is really all it is often thought to be...
what are your thoughts? please, no angry venom here...i want honest discussion of the core issues i addressed. i welcome your opinions.
6.28.2005
atrocities in darfur
i saw a young woman in our church wearing a green band the other day. coloured silicone bands seem to be all the rage these days...every cause has it's own colour band. so i asked her what it was for. found out it was about the atrocities that have been going on for two years in the darfur region of sudan. i had not heard about them. so i asked her to send me some information. she did. i read about it here.
terrible stuff. war crimes of all sorts. a UN commission found thatGovernment forces and militias conducted indiscriminate attacks, including killing of civilians, torture, enforced disappearances, destruction of villages, rape and other forms of sexual violence, pillaging and forced displacement, throughout Darfur on a widespread and systematic basis.
this is awful stuff! you can read more here. i'm not even sure what to do about it. here is info about a protest in montreal august 25. it is the only event in canada they had scheduled on their website.Canada (event id#8)
Description: Protest 2:00pm, August 25th
Directions: Wallenberg Memorial, 600 De Maisoneuve West, Montreal
Event Type: Public
Contact Name: Chaim Steinmetz
Contact Info: rabbi@tbdj.org (514) 489-3841
6.27.2005
student ministry website
i recently conscripted a young woman in our church to create a website for our student ministry. well, i asked her and she consented.
anyway, i thought i was doing a good job of delegation and all that stuff i'm supposed to be good at when all of a sudden she asked me what she was going to put on the website. i quickly realized that creating a website includes quite a bit more than just designing it. so currently the ball is in my court as i gather information and write bits for the site.
have any of you developed websites for your ministries? any advice? can you give me the links to your sites so i can look at them and steal, i mean borrow, stuff?
white band day
july 1 is international white band day.
I follow in mr. lapointe's foosteps as i quote from makepovertyhistory.ca.
International White Band Day, July 1, will see people around the world wearing white bands and wrapping public buildings in white to send a message to the G8 world leaders that we demand action on
More and Better Aid
Canceling the Debt
Trade Justice
Ending Child Poverty in Canada
wear or display a white band. log on to makepovertyhistory.ca to email prime minister martin and encourage him to take action.
i will be and have.
6.16.2005
theological worldview
i took a quiz today here that told me this about my theological worldview. interesting...
Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan | 86% | ||
Emergent/Postmodern | 82% | ||
Neo orthodox | 61% | ||
Charismatic/Pentecostal | 39% | ||
Reformed Evangelical | 36% | ||
Roman Catholic | 36% | ||
Classical Liberal | 32% | ||
Fundamentalist | 21% | ||
Modern Liberal | 18% |
What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com
6.10.2005
gifted teens
i went to a highschool band end-of-year performance last night. it was in the cafeteria and was swelteringly humid and hot. there were ten or twelve teens involved in it that i knew. they all did a great job. one of the guys put together a video picture presentation that was very good. i know who i'll ask next time i need one done! two of the girls also sang a song that they had written while on a band trip. it was amazing. i knew that they had written one, but i hadn't heard it yet. one of the girls is usually quiet and reserved, but has a very beautiful voice so i am trying to build into her confidence whenever i can. the two of them blended beautifully, but it was the message of the song that really stuck out at me. it was all about God accepting us just as we are. it was so beautiful. that was the highlight of the night for me.
it makes me new
i wrote another song last night. i'm working on an album project. absolutely no idea when or where or how i'll ever record it, but it's fun putting songs together. it will be called "the end of the world as i knew it" or something like that and will be songs chronicling my spiritual journey of the past year. i've been wanting to write a song about God's love to put on it. it finally came last night. it's still unfinished, but i wanted to put it on here. check it out:
who am i to stumble by and think that i could ever do to please you
frail man that i am, still i go to try - try and try again
why do i try to try then fall down on my face and cry "i need you"
whisper, whisper in my ear and tell me that you'll take me as i am
this life i lead so many times feels so dry - so dry, so empty inside
i wonder why, when can i find this river wide, life inside, river deep - deep and wide
your love is all around me, it makes me new
the songs you sing over me - they cry out "i love you! i love you!"
the greatest thing - i'll sing and sing - about this love, the kind of love that frees you
freed man that i am, now i'll always sing - sing and sing again
life is new, found in you, and from now on i'll live my life to please you
you whispered, whispered in my ear and told me that you love me as i am
the life i led so many times felt so dry - so dry, so empty inside
but now i cry, you gave me life - a river wide, life inside, river deep - deep and wide
your love is overwhelming, it makes me new
the songs you sing over me - they cry out "i love you! i love you!"
6.07.2005
makepovertyhistory.ca
i've been learning during the past six months or so more about world issues regarding fair trade and poverty. there is much that we can do as a nation of rich people. today i have begun to act.
although i do not have millions or even thousands of dollars to give to help in the cause, i do have a voice. tonight i joined the big noise at maketradefair.com and sent some letters to some canadian politicians (in an effort to persuade them to make the right decision at the upcoming G8 summit in scotland) at makepovertyhistory.ca.
i am also going to try to order some of the white bands from makepovertyhistory.ca to support the cause and hopefully attend the Live8 concert in ottawa if it happens on july 2.
this is a new thing for me...getting involved in these types of things. but the more i learn about jesus the more i think that he would care about these issues. and that gives me courage.
visit the sites. use your voice. we can make a difference.
5.31.2005
episode three
karen and i watched star wars: episode three the other week, and it had an intensely spiritual impact on me. let me explain.
first off i'll say that i'm not a big star wars fan. i didn't even know what they were until highschool and didn't watch all three of the originals till college. i thought one and two were pretty cheesy so i wasn't sure what to expect from episode three other than a tying together of the story.
as i had watched one and two, anakin's obvious decline had been bothering me. he started off as such a beautiful boy, so to imagine him becoming the dreadful darth vadar was no fun. when i watched the original three, darth vadar was this hateful character. i just wanted him to die so that right would triumph. episode three tied together the journey from beautiful boy to the dark side, and i found it incredibly disturbing and spiritual.
i have been learning much of late about God's love and have been re-understanding my view of our sinful nature being characterized primarily by a brokenness, a terrible wound that affects us all, resulting in a tendency toward wrong choices. i have been learning to see us through God's eyes, as people that he loves no matter where we are or what we do, and his redemptive action is an action to free a captive people as well as to forgive rebellious children. our rebelliousness is the natural result of our woundedness.
so as i watched anakin's decline i found myself seeing him through the eyes of a loving father rather than of a hateful enemy. i began to understand the evil that he became as the natural result of wrong choices and deceit from the evil one. he didn't become evil overnight. he was drawn toward it by good desires led astray into wrong choices. it was a gradual process until he reached the point of no return. i cannot hate darth vadar any longer, but rather feel remorse and pity for what he became.
as i watched anakin's decline and began to realize that i no longer hated darth vadar, i began to understand in a greater degree how God sees us in our sinfulness - how God sees me in my sinfulness. he does not hate us even when we become so fallen into sin. i began to understand in a much deeper way the love of God for sinful, fallen humanity. i began to understand better how God could love the most sin-twisted soul just as much as he loves the greatest saint. because he sees the whole picture, just as i now see the whole picture for anakin. God knows that we were all supposed to be beautiful. we are all supposed to be good. and he doesn't hate us for our sinfulness, but rather loves us and gives his very life to free us from our bondage.
this is very good news.
5.20.2005
5.19.2005
shades of grey
i find anne lamott's writing challenges my faith in uncomfortable and troublesome ways. i read about her walk through life being so messy yet full of trust in God, holding significantly different theological positions from myself yet possessing an honesty and heart for service that put my selfish heart to shame. she writes of life in a way that is both troubling and beautiful. as i read i find myself simultaneously laughing and crying, in the same moment disagreeing with her and wishing with all my heart for a mere morsel of the honest faith that she seems to posess. i find the things about life with God that i have for so long thought to be so important, so black and white, beginning to fade into shades of grey. this bothers me. this confuses me. this makes me question and wonder and cry out to God with silent tearful sobs of longing. where is the life that Jesus promised us, promised me? the life that this woman, with all her weaknesses and mistakes, seems to grasp and hold onto with such abundance and wonderful reckless abandon. how can i find this? this freedom to love myself, to forgive my failings and constant inability to measure up to any kind of standard that i ever thought was important.
the terrible truth that is slowly sinking into my heart is that i am hopelessly lost, utterly unable to pull myself out of my self-centered existence for one minute to genuinely love a fellow being. i am completely incabable of this, to think of another above myself long enough to actually begin to live that way. to forget about myself long enough to see myself as Jesus sees me, and to begin to like myself as i am - or even love myself. this is a beginning at least...to know that i am lost. for it is here, in my lost-ness, that i begin to cry out the most genuine prayers that i can pray. prayers that don't have any words because i don't know the words, don't really even know what to ask for or say. i only know that i need help. maybe that is the best prayer of all, "help!"
anne lamott
i just finished reading anne lamott's new book plan b: further thoughts on faith. it was another one of those books that i started reading and didn't stop until i had finished it. seems i've been finding a lot of those lately... except this one was 320 pages.
here are a couple quotes i liked:One secret of life is that the reason life works at all is that not everyone in your tribe is nuts on the same day. Another secret is that laughter is carbonated holiness.
this was my favorite one:Rule 1: When all else fails, follow instructions. And Rule 2: Don't be an asshole.
