some thoughts

first go check out this website called clearification. watch the videos. very funny, hilarious even. recommend provided via nathancolquhoun.com.

recently listening to bright eyes, i'm wide awake it's morning

too often i find myself navel gazing, so caught up with my own issues that i neglect those around me. i pity the fool.

then come those moments where i am drawn out of myself and reminded that there are others in my world. others who need me. others who care about my well being. i am reminded to look outside myself. often it is in these moments i find the most [insert word for good things here], when i forget myself and freely give myself to others. go figure.

talking with karen today about life, i remarked how difficult it is to admit my issues to others, to really let them see the real me in all my gritty glory. and so it goes. too long have i run independent. keeping myself at arms length from others so appearances are kept up.

sometimes i struggle with life. complicated. independent.

i left home for college when i was seventeen. never looked back. independent.

but i am learning. slowly. rustlers aren't independent. working with al and living with the rustlers is teaching me community. sharing. vulnerability. honesty. i'm a reluctant convert, slow to quench my thirst for acceptance in the safety of loving community.

karen threw a party for my birthday almost a month ago. people came, conversation flowed while food ran wild. then karen pulled out a basket full of cards, into which friends had placed love with dollar bills attached. surprise cd fund. i was speechless, overwhelmed with that awkward feeling of being given far more than i deserved. thanks dribbled down my chin as i went into myself, unsure of what to do. independent. how do i learn to let friends love me like that? they're getting under my skin. i'm falling in love with this rustler crew. "she's good people," the lead hand would say with a goofy grin and a broom in one hand. "have you heard this song?"

to my friends, and i am blessed with many, thank you. thank you for teaching me love, generosity, and community by allowing me to experience it firsthand from your lives.

there is nowhere else i'd rather be.