a family friend, mike smith, has finally been called up to play with the dallas stars. he started his second game last night against los angeles. two wins so far. go smitty.
p.s. check out flikr for baby pictures
10.29.2006
9.24.2006
our little poopsickle
well, what to say. i'm tired. and happy. and tired. but i can't complain - karen is healing from giving birth plus tired plus breastfeeding. i think women got the short end of the stick on this one.
karen loves being a mom. i don't think i've ever seen her so happy. i love it.
what a stud. except this picture makes his head look funny. i love the eyes. it looks like he's communicating some sort of thought, but in reality he's just pooping. his many poop faces are hilarious.
ahhh, genetics. what a fine specimen.
9.07.2006
grandpa's hands
gabriel brandon shillington flew into this world on a wing and a prayer. karen began active labour around 12:00-12:30 pm, we figure. she had just met with the midwife at eleven to find out she was dialated 2 cm, an increase of 1 cm from the week before. by 1:30 we called our doula to come to the house, and by 2:30 the midwives arrived. by this time karen's labour was quite intense. they did another exam at 3:00 and found out she was fully dialated! we were all shocked, and since everything was progressing so fast karen was already ready to start pushing. the midwife gave us the option of proceeding to the hospital like we had originally planned, except we would have to take an ambulance to get her there in time, or we could have the baby at home. we decided to take a chance and go to the hospital. we arrived there around 3:30 or so and at 4:48 gabriel was born. he came out in the caul, another name for the amniotic sac. karen's water never broke, and when gabe came out his head was completely encased in the sac. one midwife exclaimed that she could see him still breathing the amniotic fluid! they broke the sac and brought him out the rest of the way. the midwives were quite ecstatic about having a birth "in the caul" because it is so rare. supposedly, according to legend and what-not, a child born in the caul will never drown and is thought to have supernatural powers, to be a lucky baby, with one foot in the spiritual world and one in the physical. we stayed at the hospital for the required minimum four hours, then came home to our more comfy bed. karen is healing well and we are having a blast learning how to be parents! he is a most beautiful baby.
9.06.2006
9.03.2006
dream-ology
i had a dream the other night. it went something like this:
it was night, but not pitch black. i could still see from the lights of the city around me. i was at work and found myself climbing on the top of the highest tower of a huge stone church. it was an old wooden roof, and as i reached the peak i broke through some rotted wood and began falling. it felt like a long fall through the tower and out into the huge cathedral-like sanctuary, but i didn’t feel afraid. i was thinking about the likelihood of living through the fall, wondering what i would land on, thinking i would probably die and this sucked.
next thing i knew i was at the bottom of the sanctuary looking around, wondering what i landed on. then i noticed my body. i had landed on the wooden pews, with the back of my head smashed open on the edge of one. i thought to myself that i definitely did not have a soft landing and immediately realized that i was dead. i remember being aware that i was dead, but felt no pain, and was acutely conscious of my still being me – just my body was gone. i remember also being aware that i was supposed to continue on to the afterlife, but it was my choice to do so. i had a passing thought that perhaps ghosts (understood as the spirits of dead people with unresolved issues) could exist as people who had died but had refused to move on to their afterlife. i had no desire to do this, however. i knew i needed to move on and knew that i would.
soon after i fell, my coworkers came in to see if i was ok. they saw my body there dead, and me standing nearby. i calmly explained to them that i had fallen through the roof and landed on the pew and was now dead, and i was obviously disappointed this had happened. i didn’t want to be dead, but there was now nothing i could do about it.
knowing that i needed to move on to my afterlife, i first wanted to go say goodbye to my wife. so i went home to tell her that i had a tragic accident at work and was now dead. she was distraught, as could be expected, but also handled the news fairly calmly. i remember holding her, saying goodbye, knowing this was goodbye for a long time. i remember thinking or perhaps saying for her to feel free to find another person to share her life with – wanting her to be happy, to move on with her life.
also, while all this was happening to me, she had given birth to our baby. so when i arrived to tell her i was dead, she had news to tell me. i remember feeling so disappointed and hurt that i had missed the birth of our child, and even more sad that i would miss out on watching him grow up. then she told me that she named him jebediah. i remember feeling confused and angry and hurt that she gave him that name instead of one of the names that we had discussed. i didn’t like the name jebediah, and i remember thinking that the least she could do after my tragic death would be to give the child the name i had wanted for him, or even to name him after me. she seemed at this point in my dream like she was moving on past my death and was ready to say goodbye. she wasn’t fazed at all that i didn’t like Jebediah, but seemed like she expected me to just deal with it since i wasn’t there and it was all now up to her to raise him. i remember feeling hurt by this, and very sad at having to say goodbye to my wife and child when our lives together were just beginning, sad that i would miss so much.
then i woke up.
here's some stuff i found on this website about dream interpretations. there's some interesting bits...
Death
To dream of your own death, indicates a transitional phase in your life. You are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Alternatively, you are trying desperately to escape the demands of your daily life.
Die
To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such a dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.
Fall
To dream that you fall and are not frightened, signifies that you will overcome your adversities with ease.
To dream that you fall and are frightened, indicates a lack of control, insecurity, and/or lack of support in your waking life. You may be experiencing some major struggle and/or overwhelming problem. It may denote that you have failed to achieve a goal that you have set forth for yourself.
To dream that you are free-falling through water, indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed with emotions. You may feel that it is easier to give up then to try to stay afloat or prevent yourself from going under.
Family
To see your own family in your dream, represents security, warmth and love. Consider also the significance of a particular family member or the relationship you have with them.
Wife
To see your wife in your dream, signifies discord and unresolved issues.
Son
To see your son in your dream, signifies your ideal, hopes, potential, and the youthful part of yourself. On the other hand, to see your son in your dream might not have any significance and is simply mirroring your waking life. The dream may also be a pun on "sun".
8.20.2006
heart rustlings and many swears
i work on a roofing crew. by reputation, roofing crews are made up of rough men, and mine is no exception. these guys tell stories of doing things many would be shocked to hear, all as if it's no more than another normal day. three of them are facing charges that could send them to prison. i love them all.
here's the thing: i want to be a positive influence on the world around me. i am trying to learn how the love of God penetrates even the darkest places...and i am still left puzzling over this many days. i find too often i get caught up in their way of doing things more than i would like to admit. swearing is one thing. "admiring the beauty" of girls walking by is another. (rooftops afford an excellent view.)
my heart is disturbed. i feel quiet murmers within my chest, whispers that all is not well.
i am left leaning on grace.
i decided i don't like to swear. and checking out girls feels disrespectful to me. even as i write this i am hoping my wife doesn't read it. and yet...
maybe she will. i need her grace too. i am full of weakness. it is often in her words and in her arms that i find the grace of God. it is often in her presence that i am reminded where my priorities really lie, where the space i want my life to be is found.
many swears and rooftop views are not that space.
how can Jesus shine through me? how can my hands and voice become the channel he can use in the places i walk? this is the direction i long to go. this is the space i want to live in.
today i feel far away, in need of grace. tomorrow maybe i will see some jesus at work, or maybe not. either way i have to try. i have to believe that jesus will use me somehow, and that his light in my life can make a difference in dark places. i have to hope.
until next time, enjoy my brokeback picture.
8.14.2006
squirmon
for those of you who are interested, you can listen to the talk i gave at next on july 9 here. if that doesn't work, go here and click on the link to it in the sidebar.
this sunday is the 30th anniversary of the church my grandfather helped start in kingston. this is a picture from the groundbreaking. i think he's the tall guy in the middle toward the left. the woman in the front with the blue dress is my grandmother.
7.31.2006
week thirty-five
we are nearing the end... the midwife tells us that the baby can come anytime after 37 weeks. we finally acquired the crib and have started setting up the baby's room...still a bit more to do. we had narrowed down our list of names from about six to two, but the other day we looked at our list again and it went back up to three. no, we're not telling. ...i always get karen to smile for the camera. one of these days i'll have to take one when she's not looking so you get to see the real pregnancy! although, the little jig she did all on her own. i was just lucky enough to catch it.
7.20.2006
newsworthy items ???
karen and i went on a cruise tuesday among the many thousand islands to heart island where we took in boldt castle. karen's nephew ken and his girlfriend karlene were visiting for a few days and went with. it was a beautiful day. we filled ourselves with fajitas later that evening. more pictures can be had on my flicker site.
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7.12.2006
pictures of the boy
the boy is about four and a half pounds now. we enjoyed seeing his chubby little cheeks in the ultrasound. he moves around all the time. it feels so amazing to put my hand on karen's belly and feel the kicks and rolls and movements. soon we get to meet him! pray for karen, she's uncomfortable most of the time. those are a hand and foot beside his face. he wouldn't move them so we could only see half of his face.
6.28.2006
blow me down, me hearties
i apologize for the lack of postage recently. well, really my apology is nothing more than a self-serving superficiality, for i am really sorry only that my lack of postage means the trickle of comments on my blog has run dry. so here i go again on my own.
unfortunately, sometimes on my own i don't have a lot to say. here's all i've got for tonight...
recent doings:
1) working - a lot! i start at seven, and some days don't get home till seven or eight. it means that when i get home i have time to shower, eat, and go to bed. not much time for thinking, i'm afraid.
2) rustling - at the church plant (named rustle church) we are almost finished tearing out and are in the rebuilding phase. (we've been doing some desperately needed remodeling and fixing up.) we have a guy from france named vincent volunteering for a month during the summer. he's trying to learn english better via immersion while chasing God in a new country for a short time. saturday we have our big freakin' yard sale to try to get rid of a bunch of junk and get to know some neighbors.
3) speaking - i'm speaking at next july 9 on matthew 12:1-14. main idea: we often let our religious systems take over and become rigid and judgmental. jesus wants us to remember the heart of the message. something like that. it's really better than it sounds. i still haven't solidified my 3am test yet (grin and nod out to you homiletics students). i'm a bit nervous to speak as i have never spoken at next and haven't done it at all for about a year, but i am also very excited because i think the message i have is one that God has been growing in me for a couple years now. so it is exciting to see some good stuff coming after the dry spells.
4) listing - in case you haven't noticed, i just made my first ever blog list. shite - i've taken another step into bloggermania!
5) leaving - goodnight. you should also leave ...me a comment and then leave to check out this blog for the great writing and fun pictures.
6.10.2006
in the garage
i put together another song in garageband, with the help of my brother on the drum tracks. i think it turned out pretty good. check it out at my purevolume site here. it is called 'chase me down'. i sang it at next a couple months ago.
i said goodbye to my family this morning. they took the powerbook and left for alaska. i had fun visiting with them and playing with garageband while they were here.
new song
my grandmother died last friday. the funeral was tuesday morning. it has been a good time with family. i was up early on sunday morning so picked up my guitar and started picking around. i ended up writing a song that i sang at the funeral with my sister. my mom had brought a mac powerbook with her and i got playing around with garageband. with my brother's help, i recorded my song for all to hear. it's called "not the ending (song for grandma)". have a listen to it here. i think it's pretty good.
5.26.2006
church? aliens? what?
i just finished reading an article my dad forwarded to me. it's a few years old, by dr. thom ranier, and is called "ten surprises about the unchurched: understanding their hearts and minds."
i have a couple questions that arise from my reading of this article, and they stem more from feelings i get while reading and thinking than from fully developed thoughts. i would like to state them for you to help me with my thinking - agree, disagree, help!
first, read the article.
second, i don't like the term, or the way the term is used, of "the unchurched." that people are placed into this category of unchurched feels to me of us/them-ism. my question is this: how can we speak intelligently and gracefully about the reality of the difference in people before an encounter with the living God and after, without categorizing and making an in/out, us/them kind of environment or way of thinking? the way dr. thom speaks of this group of people makes me feel (as one who is not unchurched, but indeed seeks to spread the message of jesus) like a missionary with all the answers looking to help the poor deluded savages. i don't think that way of thinking is helpful, respecful, or in any way good. yet i also recognize an element of truth (albeit easily twisted into error) that we have the love of God "shed abroad" in our hearts and must share that with those who don't (the error being a belief that we have the message of God and all who would find that must find it from we few who hold the truth). how can we begin to speak and think in a way that balances the truth that we have a relationship with a person who others need to encounter, without somehow placing everyone who doesn't have this relationship in an outside category. i find it frustrating even knowing how to express my thoughts in words, for as i type i find thoughts colliding. i sense in my heart there is something wrong with how we have long engaged those who need jesus. i respect the heart of what dr. thom is trying to say and do in this article. i have no issue with him, but would like to use that article and the language used in it to point out what i think is a cronic error easily made (and made by myself for many years). i would like your engagement with this issue to help me sort my thoughts out into a more understandable way of explaining what i am feeling. i hope this makes at least a little bit of sense.
thirdly, my second question/issue arises with the conclusion implied in the article, expressly or otherwise, that church (or more church) is the solution for the "problem" of being "unchurched." i would like to suggest, rather adamantly, that more church is not what people need, if by church people think religion or religious activities. if by church dr. thom and others mean engagement with the living God through community with other jesus-followers, then by all means, invite people into the midst of that! i fear, however, that the language and wording of church, unchurched, and so on leads more to religion and religious activities than it does to real engagement with God and others. i fear that too often the religious activities we engage in when we attend "church," and the satisfaction we feel from participating in something deemed good by society and larger than ourselves and shared by people across the world, mask the ability of people to really engage with the truth that is jesus christ. i know that this is probably not true in your church, but how many people do you know that attend church because they think they need some religion in their lives, or because they like the positive things they get from going on sunday mornings? how many people think they need to attend church because religious activity is deemed to somehow be a positive thing in their lives? now, i recognize that their are many positive elements in religion, but there are also many horrible elements. i propose that following the way of jesus is not a religious activity, but a completely upside down, transformational way of living that encompases, envelops, enhances, transforms, and overwhelmes any religious activity. the way of jesus forces us to move away from our "me-me-me" focused living toward a "service to others" focused living. but how often are we taught this in church? too often it is about living right, doing the right things, and all kinds of religious stuff that are usually good at heart but lose their meaning and usefulness when focus on following the way of jesus in the kingdom of God is forgotten or ignored. i fear that inviting the "unchurched" to become "churched" is a fruitless endeavor. what can we do to help people move from not following jesus in the context of healthy community to following jesus in said community rather than merely helping them move from not religious to more religious?
those are my thoughts so far. what are yours?
5.17.2006
5.12.2006
of sunsets and sonshine
we had a meeting of the "crazy eight" monday night at al's house, a group of core leaders for rustle (the church plant). there were more than eight of us. we had meat and salad and good conversation with prayers. there was a moment for me as it was growing dark where i looked around and felt that i was in church, the body of christ in the world, we few sitting around feeding pinapple heaven into our mouths and talking about how to discover the kingdom of God in kingston, and it was beautiful.
i am more excited about following jesus than i have ever been. life is good.
4.24.2006
have a listen
now that i have high-speed internet access, i have finally been able to post some of my songs on a purevolume site. go here to check it out, or click the link on the sidebar. let me know what you think of them. i need honest feedback. unfortunately i can only put four songs on the site unless i pay, but i'm too cheap at this point, so i may revolve the songs i have there...we'll see. also, i do not have any recordings of the songs whose lyrics i have posted on this blog as of yet. anyway, have a listen and come back to tell me what you think, keeping in mind these are rough recordings.
4.13.2006
beautiful kingdom
i've been learning much lately about the kingdom of God - discovering in a new way what the way of jesus that i attempt to follow is really all about. in summary, redeeming everything. if you want to know more, there are many other more qualified writers than i to describe it for you. suffice to say for myself, that i have been brought to tears with joy at what i am learning about following Jesus. my brother wrote me an email the other day in which he described an anecdote that i think beautifully illustrates the new kingdom life that i am discovering. he gave me permission to share it here. enjoy.
Hey hey, sounds like life is exciting there eh! Well it's kind of so here as well. I guess that all depends on your definintion of exciting. You see, today I woke up, made a bagel, and went to let a dog out, for I am a house-sitter. So i ate my bagel as I drove to school, listening to Jadon Lavik. I know, it sounds pretty mediocre at most, however!! Let me expand. As I drove to school(which sounds mediocre at most) I also saw another car! and in that car, w as a man, and a woman, and their little kitty cat. i know what you are thinking, you think that it is just another normal day(which sounds at least medicore..(at most)). So i went to calculus, and left class. Well allow me expand my story further still!! When I looked over at the lady, while I ate my cherry tomatos from the grocery store, the cat also looked up and made a valiant effort to get some attention from the passenger in the front seat(the lady that is). All the while time is moving at a slow pace, because to tell a story in a paragraph that occured in almost 2 seconds, one must invariably slow down the pace of time itself( for the sake of telling story in some detail). So I looked over at the cat, while the lady looked up at me, and smiled. So I averted my eyes from the cat to hers and smiled back, then looking back at the road and returning to suck the life-juice from my tomato (because it just isn't polite to stare). So all in all, it was, in fact medicore(at most) but it was nice, because as you can see, a smile, and the story behind it is worth a thousand words. So you might be thinking, 'all that for just a smile?' Well my friends, do i have more for you. You see, i haven't expanded on the history of the story. I recently purchased Jadon Lavik's "Life on the Inside' album. Since it is so amazing, and blessed me so, I have been listening to it profusley. This undoubtedly set my spirit right, as I have been in good spirits lately, and smiling only comes naturally when God is in you. So good can be found in even a mediocre(at most) day if you look for it. Anyways, this wasn't where my email was gonna go, but i think I had fun typing it. I'm doing quite well, besides being discouraged with calculus, But i know tht everything will work out. Because I believe it will. And God is with me, and Jesus is in me, and Jadon Lavik singing to me! So I will talk to y'all later.
4.12.2006
the falcons cry "aaarrrreeeee!"
i belong to a men's group at our church called the blazing falcons. we do fun stuff together. read about our latest event here. go here for a video of it put together by my friend gerald. go here for a funny music video also made by my friend gerald featuring the falcon's dance troup and my other friend paul's song....from our church's new cd, which can be heard here via the sweet dark player on the sidebar. buy a sweet dark cd if you like it. it's really good.
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