upside down surprise :: a journey through faith

12.05.2005

overuse injury

my body is weak.

about a week ago i started feeling my right hand go numb. the feeling progressed to where i had aching through my hand and arm down to my elbow. i finally went to a doctor and found out that i have an overuse injury with some symptoms of carpal tunnel, which basically means i have an inflamed nerve in my wrist or something like that. so now i'm wearing this splint at night, and to work where i lift heavy things all day long, the cause and sustainer of my injury. fun times...

oh so lovely

here are some pictures of my lovely companion and loving wife, karen. she is a most excellent wife.

12.04.2005

my dad

my dad flew down from alaska a week ago from last friday to visit my grandparents here in kingston, who haven't been doing very well physically. he was here for about a week and flew back to alaska last thursday. it was really nice to be able to visit with him again. while he was here karen and i finally found out that i was clear with my job for us to go to alaska for christmas, so we bought tickets last tuesday. we fly out on christmas day from toronto and return january 5. we are very excited to see my family again. we haven't had a christmas with all of us together for a few years, and it will be nice to see where they are all living. karen's a bit nervous about the cold, but according to my dad, it's comparable to the weather in ottawa, so that's not too bad. i'm looking forward to a christmas with a good winter again...snow flocking the trees and all that. kingston gets too much freezing rain in the winter.

a new camera

karen was able to get some money through her teacher's union because of their new deal this year, so we finally spent it. we got a new digital camera. after much deliberation, we finally decided on the canon powershot a610. we are very happy with it. we first purchased a nikon, but it was having some problems and we didn't like it after using it for a day or two, so took it back and exchanged for the powershot.

11.27.2005

mp3's

does anyone know how to post mp3's onto a blog? is it possible in blogger?

11.24.2005

ode to employment

after two months unemployed batty was i
dishes lay waiting while the laundry dried
useless at housework compared to my wife
who does in one hour what i did in five

at last prayers were answered, an offer was mine
and now upon rooftops i carry and climb
my body is sore; my muscles are weak
my feet want to lay on their backs for a week

but i wait for tomorrow, for it will bring pay
the reason i labour and toil all day
although there is one more reason i find
doing dishes and laundry all day bites

that was a terrible poem, my apologies for wasting the past three minutes of your life. but it was fun to write. anyway, it's good to have work, but i'm tired out. supposedly after a couple weeks my body will get used to it. and maybe it will help me get into better shape. it's a temporary job, so i'll be looking again in january or february, depending on how the winter weather is. i have an idea for then that karen and i have been praying about...more on that another time.

11.17.2005

i need help

i have been thinking lately (and for those of you who know me well, take cover) about the church tradition of sunday morning services.

here's my question: why do we do church the way we do? that is, why do we have "church" on sunday mornings as a gathering of a small to large number of people with singing and praying and teaching and all that? what is it's purpose? now i don't mean why is it on sunday's rather than saturdays or whatever...i know the church history about that. i mean why do we have this gathering of people in this way that we call church?

here's my reason: i don't always enjoy church on sunday mornings. oh there is the occasional truth that sticks out at me, and there is the connecting with friends that i haven't seen for a week, and i like the music, but really all that can be accomplished more effectively in a small group that i attend on thursday evenings.

here's my problem: i've been taught sunday mornings "aren't about me" so according to that line of thinking my attitude of not getting much out of it is essentially self-centered and wrong. ok, i can see and accept that. so sunday mornings are about gathering to worship God together. about what i can give, not what i can get. how i can serve, not how i can be served. that makes sense, and after all, doesn't the bible say something about not giving up meeting together? however, don't i worship God most effectively by doing what he says to do ("you love me when you do what i say") throughout every day of the week? and can't i worship corporately (meeting together with other believers) in a small group on thursday evening, or by giving and serving in other practical ways? indeed, if i connect better with other believers, learn more effectively, and am able to express my love toward God and people more thoroughly in small group on thursday evening, then what reason is there for me to go to church on sunday?

i'm not wanting to give up going to church on sundays. i may not always enjoy it, but sometimes i do. i am wanting to find a good reason for going. am i doing it merely because tradition and a lifetime of training dictate that all good christians go to church on sunday mornings? or is there a better reason? honestly i hope there is a better reason, because otherwise i'm going to have some serious decisions to make and issues to work through.

i also recognize the possibility that if i actually stopped going to church on sunday mornings that i might feel a lack of something in my life and would realize that i really do need that time with people and God. maybe i should try it.

this is an honest question. i really want to know. ap, sic your theological training on me. other readers, lend me your thoughts. i need help with this one; i'm stumped. why do we "do church" the way we do?

11.07.2005

God help me...

i read some postings by scott williams that i came across via caleb. wow. he is an ex-pastor commenting on some observations about pastors. i only have three years experience working as a pastor, but four years of bible college on top of that, and a lifetime of being a pk church rat to throw in as well. most of what he said hit home with me. and it hurt...in an exposing, healing kind of way.

part 1
part 2
part 3
part 4
part 5
part 6
part 7
finale

God help me to learn these lessons now while i have the opportunity to live in the real world.

11.04.2005

saved

ok, on the recommendation of a friend i finally watched the movie saved. it's received a lot of criticism in many christian circles. i thought it was a great satire. well done for a teen flick and in many ways, eerily accurate. made me think...

what did you think about it? (this should be obvious, but keep your trap shut if you haven't watched it)

10.26.2005

testify

as i was cleaning out my office i found this poster from ye olde testify days. thought i would post it for good laughs all round. this one's for you lynn and grady.

i have a small head...

10.20.2005

A COLLISION or (3+4=7)

while at the conference we were led in singing by the david crowder band. this band, for me, has been a shining light among the deluge of crap often passed off as good music. they carefully craft music that goes beyond a mere melody and lyrics, and their newest album takes them to the next level in creative expression.

"a collision, or (3+4=7)" mixes ancient hymns, african american spirituals, good ol' southern bluegrass, electronica, and rock in a fusion that tingles the ear and brings a satisfied smile to the face. crowder & co. include some of their trademark "singables" following the successful models of "can i hear you" and "illuminate" in songs such as "here is our king" and "wholly yours." elsewhere, however, they meld musical styles to bring us into God's presence through everything from a meditative cover of sufjan stevens' "o God, where are you now? (in pickerel lake? pigeon? marquette? mackinaw?)" to a rock opera in "you are my joy." indeed, i think this album is best seen as an opera of sorts, a musical programme put together in such a way that it is best experienced straight through from beginning to end.

poetically, david crowder has honed his craft further to create lyrics that are beautiful, memorable, and layered with meaning. "a beautiful collision" has some good examples of this, but my favorite lyrics are found in "here is our king," especially the line "and what was said to the rose to make it unfold was said to me here in my chest, so be quiet now and rest."

all told, it is my opinion that "a collision or (3+4=7)" is the david crowder band's most musically and creatively mature offering to date and a harbinger of great things yet to come.

for another review by a friend, go here.

road trip

i just got back from my trip to pittsburgh with timmy b, mark b, and ben c, a couple days ago. we had a great time - shared many laughs and made many memories. stopping in to see ap on the way down was definitely a highlight.

for me, it was an odd trip to go on. i just resigned from my position of youth pastor and have no desire to go back to being a youth pastor in the near future....so why go to a youth pastor's convention? other than the fact that i had already bought my ticket...i went for the fun times with the guys and the retreat experience that the conference offered. not so much a retreat into solitude, but a retreat away from the ordinary to spend a weekend listening to what God might want to say through the conference. i had a great time. i didn't hear anything profound from God, but it did confirm for me that where i am at now is a good place to be. i had some good moments of rest in the midst of the craziness and was able to spend some much-coveted time with friends.

the highlight of the trip for me came late saturday evening. the four of us went to get some food and drinks at a nearby restaurant/pub and ended up having a wonderfully deep conversation and sharing time. something was said during that time that really hit me and meant much more to me than they had probably intended for it to... i'll be vulnerable here and tell you... they said that i seemed very authentic/genuine. a comment was made that i seemed a much different person than i was in college...in a good way. coming from the year i have spent allowing God to deconstruct and begin rebuilding my faith, this comment was a God moment for me... saying "see, i am doing something in you. you are becoming who i want you to be. it's working!"

that one moment was, for me, worth the entire trip and hundreds of dollars spent. it was so very encouraging for me....just the kind of thing God knew i needed to hear.

so for ben, mark, and timmy...thank you.

10.04.2005

nothing is sound :: switchfoot

the title gives away this album. nothing is sound; nothing in this world is worth putting our trust in. i found this to be a beautiful album dealing with the reality of brokenness and hope being found in God. it's not stated that blatantly, but that's what poetry is all about... it communicates emotions, not solely propositions. and that is what i find in this album...songs full of the feeling that the world falls apart around us, but in the middle of it all we find hope in God.

when i listen to stars i hear a song about looking to God in the middle of our troubles. "when i look at the stars i see someone else"

when i listen to the shadow proves the sunshine i hear a beautiful song about the brokenness around and within us showing us in an even more powerful way the glory of God "crooked soul trying to stand up straight...the shadow proves the sunshine"

when i listen to easier than love i hear a song lamenting the misuse and abuse of sex in our society "she is easier than love, is easier than life...what have we done, what is the monster we've become"

when i listen to politicians i hear a song about placing one's allegiance and hope in God's kingdom rather than our frail ones full of political rivalries and problems. "we are broken, we are bitter, we're the problems, we're the politicians...i pledge allegiance to a country without borders, without politicians"

i hear songs that are dealing with the issues we face in the world around us with a perspective that is always placing hope in kingdom come. i think they best compare to the laments found in the psalms.

"does justice never find you? do the wicked never lose? is there any honest song to sing besides these blues? ...and nothing is okay until the world caves in" (the blues)

"my wound goes deeper than the skin. there's no hiding it, so i'm not trying it. my hope runs underneath it all, the day that i'll be home. finally back where we belong. finally free." (the setting sun)

jonathan strange and mr. norrell

i was finally able to get my hands on a copy of jonathan strange and mr. norrell by susanna clarke. i've been trying to get one from the library for months now and ... anyway.

it was excellent. i enjoyed it thoroughly and was hardly able to put it down. karen really doesn't like that characteristic of mine too much, but after a few days of having my nose in the book i finally finished it. all 782 pages.

the writing was very well done. characters were developed to a fault. clarke spent some pages on characters that played hardly any role at all, yet she took the time to introduce each one. sentences were filled with colourful descriptions and the plot development pulled me along in a current that slowly increased in potency until the climax at the end.

jonathan strange and mr. norrell is a book about the revival of english magic set in historical great britain in the early nineteenth century. two magicians arise after two hundred years of no magic in britain and face challenges they would never have imagined. fairies, politicians, ancient kings, war, magic, and avarice are woven into a tapestry of immense colour and proportion.

if you are a fan of reading, of fantasy literature, of historical fiction, then i heartily recommend you check out jonathan strange and mr. norrell by susanna clarke.

another song

underneath

you say you cannot understand the things i say
how i can think you're beautiful in every way
but what you see and what i see are differerent things
don't you know that i see underneath

underneath you're beautiful
underneath you're scared
underneath - a daughter of the king
underneath you're beautiful

the longer i am with you, the more i find
lovely, oh my love, stop trying to hide
what you see makes you cry; what i see makes me sing
don't you know that i see underneath

underneath you're beautiful
underneath you're scared
underneath - a child of the king
(repeat)

don't you know i love you
don't you know i'm here
don't you know i'd give my life for you

'cause underneath you're beautiful
underneath you're scared
underneath - a child of the king
(repeat)
underneath you're beautiful

9.15.2005

recent aquisition

thanks to the stellar music review skills of my friend grady (review found here), i picked up a copy of the killers: hot fuss. another friend pointed out that they had a limited edition out so i got that one. it has three extra songs on it. we listened to this incredible album quite a bit on the way to and from the coldplay concert in darien lake, which was absolutely amazing. the energy, the quality, the beautiful music soared through my body as i danced, swayed, bobbed and sang my lungs out. i did not leave disappointed. in fact, if i could have, i would have gone again the next night. alas, i only had one spare kidney.

we also were able to enjoy the sweet aroma of burning weed during the concert. our seats were close to one edge of the outdoor arena, and the breeze was blowing in toward us from the smokers on the side. at least it smelled better than cigarettes...it didn't bother me too much. not like the drunk ladies behind us who happened to have the most annoying cackle's i have ever heard. that's right...it wasn't a laugh...it was a cackle. fortunately they weren't too bad during coldplay, more so in the time between rilo kiley and coldplay. ...quite the experience. overall, i had a great time.

if you'd like to read more about coldplay and their concerts, i recommend another grady review found here.

8.29.2005

el fine

i resigned from kingston-west yesterday. well, yesterday was the day it became public. it was a sudden thing of sorts. while i was away at camp at the end of july i felt God leading me in this direction and after much prayer, talking with karen, and thinking about it i finally went through with it.

i didn't resign because of any conflict or anything. everything was going peachy-keen. it's actually an extension of the process God has been working in me over the past year. i am feeling that i need to take some time away from pastoral ministry to chase after God and his leading in fine-tuning my call to ministry. at this point i am not sure what i will do. we are going to stay in kingston to be close to my aging grandparents, and i will look for a job somewhere doing something. hopefully something useful, but you never know.

i am very excited. it's sad saying goodbye to the church after three years, but mostly i am excited for what God has next for us. i am going to be staying in contact with free methodist leadership and finding a mentor through this period so that it is as intentional of a growth period as possible, and hope that at the end of the day i will be more ready to serve again in a church than i am now or ever have been.

september eleven will be my last sunday at the church. two weeks. it will go by fast. pastor mike asked me if i wanted to do anything that sunday, so karen and i will be singing a few songs. one is a song that i wrote especially for that day. the imagery in the song is from the story of peter stepping out of the boat to walk on the water. karen and i have been reading john ortberg's book if you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat and it has been excellent through this time.

take my hand

storm is raging on the sea

life tossed and turned

waves are crashing over me

solid places churned

wonder what's around the bend

what will life hold

now you're calling out my name

time to let go

take my hand, lead me on

lift me up, help me stand

now i'm walking on the waves

miracle in me

follow you for all my days

a new heart i'll see

take my hand, lead me on

lift me up, help me stand

(repeat)

this thing you're asking me to be, to be

not sure if i can

i need your, need your strength in me, in me

then i know i'll stand

so lift me up when i fall down, fall down

and i'll run back into your arms

take my hand, lead me on

lift me up, help me stand

(repeat)

if i had an electric guitar it would have a pop-punk rock-ish sound, but for now i play it on acoustic. i'll have to see if i can get some rough recordings of these to put on here so you can hear my songs instead of just read them. i did some on a tape recorder the other day and they turned out all right. quite rough, but it would give you an idea of what the song feels like. have to figure out how to get them from there to here first though...

anyway, that's the latest in the life of brandon. news that's been coming for a while, but i had to wait until it went public before i posted it here.

8.18.2005

x&y

have i mentioned that i am going to see coldplay september 1? have i told you this yet? have i mentioned how excited i am? oh boy, am i ever excited. i hardly know what to say. i want to pee my pants right now just thinking about it. i can hardly wait.

have i mentioned that i am going to see coldplay?

8.16.2005

sermonization and...uhh...

i'm preaching two sundays from now. it's been a while. i'm thinking i'll develop that thought i wrote about a couple posts back about choice (east of eden). it seems like good sermon fodder and is relevant to what God has been teaching me lately.

on an unrelated note: i hate throwing up, unless it makes me feel better. the day of our move from belleville to kingston was a scorcher, and i was working hard and drinking little. being somewhat out of shape and overweight, i began to feel ill. by the time i had driven the truck to kingston i had that queasy, need to puke feeling. i could barely help unload the truck. i was very grateful for the help we received from the church people that day, but i felt like such a louse just standing there while they carried all the big stuff. i felt awful - on the verge of upchuck but unable to do so. finally after everyone was gone i decided enough was enough. i still had one more load to get (i didn't get a big enough truck so had to make two trips) and knew that i would feel better once it came up, so i walked back in the woods behind the house we moved into and made myself throw up. the worst about throwing up from overheating are the dry heaves that follow the stomach empty-ing heaves. anyway, i laid down for a short nap afterwards and soon was feeling much better. many thanks to all those who helped with our move.

8.10.2005

happenings

thanks all for your comments on the last posting. apologies i haven't put anything up for a while. lots of big stuff happening... we just moved to an apartment in kingston - it's huge, a great blessing from God for us. so my computer has been packed up and we don't have a phone line yet in the new place as bell employees have been on strike and they are behind in their work.

so yeah, i'm doing this from the church so better keep it short. there's more going on too, but i'll update on that toward the end of the month. it'll be sporadic for a while so hang on. if i have any good thoughts i'll put them up, but for now this is all i've got.

oh, for those of you who saw my long hair i got a haircut finally. for those of you who haven't seen me in three years "long" and "cut" are relative terms. it's still longer than in my old bbc days. we have some film to get developed, so maybe we'll get some decent pics i can post. i haven't quite made it to the digital age yet...

not that any of that matters...
anyway, cheerio.

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