one secret of life is that the reason life works at all is that not everyone in your tribe is nuts on the same day. another secret is that laughter is carbonated holiness.
rule 1: when all else fails, follow instructions. and rule 2: don't be an asshole.
big news from the shillington house!
we're having a baby! it's true. yes, i know many of you will wonder how such a thing could be. let me assure you. if my wife were not pregnant, she would merely be quickly gaining belly fat, and that would be a bad thing. this is not a bad thing. she is pregnant. we are now in the twelfth week. yesterday karen had her first meeting with our midwife and she got to hear the heartbeat! amazing! this thing is the size of a lime, but it has a heartbeat and fingers and toes and is beginning to develop into a wee little boy or girl.
karen's been really sick so far, but the first trimester is almost over and she is starting to feel a little better. also the midwife gave her some meds that are supposed to help.
it's incredible! i'm really excited, but i also have those (as karen so eloquently described them) "oh, shit, what have we done!" moments. the sense of responsibility is beginning to set in already. we're due september 5.
i want to record an album. and i mean a good studio recording. problem is it costs quite a bundle. i'm beginning to save for it, and i am wondering if there is anyone out there who would be interested in helping finance my project. any takers? free cd after it's completed for any contributions of $30 or more.
i have found that the last week or so i have been gettting cold feet about the electrician thing. i'm having a hard timefinding someone to hire me and have been a little discouraged by that.starting to wonder if it is really what i want to do for the next fiveyears. i'm actually starting to think that perhaps i'm more ready to pastor again than ithought i was. i still have some issues i'm working through in my head and heart. karen and i had a good chat about it the other night before we went to sleep. she was reminding me to try to figure out what i'm really passionate about in life, and go do something to do with that. as i reflect on this, i think about how angry i become at the thought of people being turned away from discovering christ because of an interaction with a person claiming to be a christ follower. i think about how hard i have struggled to discover a faith that is genuine. i think about how much i want to help others discover a genuine, lifechanging faith in christ, about how much i am starting to believe the message jesus proclaims. i think about how frustrated i am with religion that has stripped itself of the life it is supposed to carry. i think this (finding genuine faith and helping point the way for others) is what i am most passionate about...more than anything else i can think of. these are not the musings of an electrician.
i have other thoughts too. thoughts that aren't so happy and encouraging, but give direction just the same. i remember what it was like when i was a pastor before. i remember the miserable days in the office, doing my best to fill time so i could go home. i remember how much i dreaded going into work so many days. sure there were good days too...moments of joy and revelation and seeing what God was doing. but overall my job drained me, and i don't want to go back to that. so when i ponder the pastorate, i find fear in me. fear that i'll be miserable again. these thoughts are leading me to the conclusion, however, that the way i was pastoring before - that what i thought being a pastor was and the way i carried that out - was shite. shite for me anyway. i think that if i am ever to be a pastor again i need to learn a new way of being apastor. i need to rethink, reimagine what being a pastor can look like. i don't think i was doing it well before, at least not in a way that really engaged mypassions and gifts and got me excited.
anyway, these are new thoughts (as of the past few days) and i would
as i think and pray through them. i think it would be accurate to say i'm really not sure about which way togo right now (electrician or pastor). both directions have their ups and downs....
i have a weakness...i like to buy music. well, no. the truth is i like to obtain new music, and since i haven't found a good way to do that cheap and legal it usually means i buy it. i walked into a music store the other day to find that they had a sale on. i picked out a couple cds, but saw so many i wanted i had to get two more. i could easily spend several hundred dollars buying music, just to catch up on stuff i would like to listen to that's been out for a while. keeping up with all the new stuff is incredibly difficult. if only i had high speed internet i could get into online radio and all that... or buying select songs online instead of getting a whole cd. it takes too long to download now on dialup so i don't bother. karen gave me a hard time when i got home for spending sixty bucks on music and told me those four cds had to fulfill my lust for new music till the summer. we laughed as i secretly plotted to get more later.
anyway, as you can see, the four cd's i ended up getting in that sale were interpol:turn on the bright lights, radiohead:ok computer, pearl jam:rearviewmirror, and beck:guero. interpol is a band from n.y. that my brother introduced me to. they sound to me like a cross between radiohead and coldplay. i like them; the only beef i would have is that their guitar playing can grow rather repetitive. good chill out/background music/muzak though. radiohead and pearl jam were both much needed additions to my music collection, and beck intrigued me. i thought he would add some depth to my collection and i knew one song that i liked on guero. the album is different musically from most of the stuff i listen to, but has a nice groove. his poetry style i find quite challenging...short snippets of thoughts strung together.
another band i should mention that i have been enjoying lately is arcade fire. if you enjoy artsy fartsy rock and roll in the genre of the white stripes and so on, check out the arcade fire - a montreal ensemble of canadians and imports. they're quite good.
well, we made it back from alaska ok, after a long flight. we've been getting settled back into a routine of sorts... i guess it's been a month since i last posted. here comes the awful truth - i haven't been interested in blogdom all that much of late. but i'll try to get back into it and post semi-regularly.
we had a good time in alaska. it was very nice to spend some extended time with my family. i am pleased to report that i was introduced to settler's of catan at long last. i loved it, and received the game as a christmas gift, so i'm going to find some people to play with here in k-town. it was a very relaxing time in alaska, lots of game playing, chatting, hanging out, going for drives to see the countryside... much needed r&r.
now i'm back to roofing. i've done some calling around to find an electrical apprenticeship, but it seems those are hard to come by this time of year. slower work time plus required ratios of electricians to apprentices equals no job for me. as april nears i'll keep trying and hopefully find something.
latest news: i'm finally actually trying to start a band. i've asked a couple people and am just waiting to find out who's in and who's not. once we have three or four people we can start to get together and work up some stuff. i really want to do this, but i'm continually plagued by self-doubt ("do i have a good enough voice?" is my main issue) ah well, suck it up brandon, and give it a run.
well, i haven't posted in a while... work has been keeping me busy and tired. but now i'm done for the year! saturday karen and i leave to celebrate christmas with her family in ft. erie, then sunday we fly to alaska to spend ten days with my family. we leave from toronto at 5:30 christmas day. i'm really looking forward to spending some time with them.
when i return, i need to get working on the next phase for me work-wise. the roofing thing will only have a couple more weeks worth before it will be done for the winter. i am looking into finding an apprenticeship to become an electrician. i have a contact with a guy here in kingston, and i need to put together a resume and meet with him when we get back in the new year. pray for me...not sure if i'll meet up to the requirements or not! i'm both excited and nervous about this idea. it takes four to five years of apprenticeship and schooling before i will be able to get my ticket as a licenced electrician. i'm nervous because it is another step into the new and unknown, but excited because it is a goal, forward movement, and seems to be the direction God is leading me. it is good to have some direction in my life again. the past months have felt very directionless and that has been frustrating for both karen and myself.
anyway, that's the latest. have a merry christmas all!
my body is weak.
about a week ago i started feeling my right hand go numb. the feeling progressed to where i had aching through my hand and arm down to my elbow. i finally went to a doctor and found out that i have an overuse injury with some symptoms of carpal tunnel, which basically means i have an inflamed nerve in my wrist or something like that. so now i'm wearing this splint at night, and to work where i lift heavy things all day long, the cause and sustainer of my injury. fun times...
my dad flew down from alaska a week ago from last friday to visit my grandparents here in kingston, who haven't been doing very well physically. he was here for about a week and flew back to alaska last thursday. it was really nice to be able to visit with him again. while he was here karen and i finally found out that i was clear with my job for us to go to alaska for christmas, so we bought tickets last tuesday. we fly out on christmas day from toronto and return january 5. we are very excited to see my family again. we haven't had a christmas with all of us together for a few years, and it will be nice to see where they are all living. karen's a bit nervous about the cold, but according to my dad, it's comparable to the weather in ottawa, so that's not too bad. i'm looking forward to a christmas with a good winter again...snow flocking the trees and all that. kingston gets too much freezing rain in the winter.
karen was able to get some money through her teacher's union because of their new deal this year, so we finally spent it. we got a new digital camera. after much deliberation, we finally decided on the canon powershot a610. we are very happy with it. we first purchased a nikon, but it was having some problems and we didn't like it after using it for a day or two, so took it back and exchanged for the powershot.
i have been thinking lately (and for those of you who know me well, take cover) about the church tradition of sunday morning services.
here's my question: why do we do church the way we do? that is, why do we have "church" on sunday mornings as a gathering of a small to large number of people with singing and praying and teaching and all that? what is it's purpose? now i don't mean why is it on sunday's rather than saturdays or whatever...i know the church history about that. i mean why do we have this gathering of people in this way that we call church?
here's my reason: i don't always enjoy church on sunday mornings. oh there is the occasional truth that sticks out at me, and there is the connecting with friends that i haven't seen for a week, and i like the music, but really all that can be accomplished more effectively in a small group that i attend on thursday evenings.
here's my problem: i've been taught sunday mornings "aren't about me" so according to that line of thinking my attitude of not getting much out of it is essentially self-centered and wrong. ok, i can see and accept that. so sunday mornings are about gathering to worship God together. about what i can give, not what i can get. how i can serve, not how i can be served. that makes sense, and after all, doesn't the bible say something about not giving up meeting together? however, don't i worship God most effectively by doing what he says to do ("you love me when you do what i say") throughout every day of the week? and can't i worship corporately (meeting together with other believers) in a small group on thursday evening, or by giving and serving in other practical ways? indeed, if i connect better with other believers, learn more effectively, and am able to express my love toward God and people more thoroughly in small group on thursday evening, then what reason is there for me to go to church on sunday?
i'm not wanting to give up going to church on sundays. i may not always enjoy it, but sometimes i do. i am wanting to find a good reason for going. am i doing it merely because tradition and a lifetime of training dictate that all good christians go to church on sunday mornings? or is there a better reason? honestly i hope there is a better reason, because otherwise i'm going to have some serious decisions to make and issues to work through.
i also recognize the possibility that if i actually stopped going to church on sunday mornings that i might feel a lack of something in my life and would realize that i really do need that time with people and God. maybe i should try it.
this is an honest question. i really want to know. ap, sic your theological training on me. other readers, lend me your thoughts. i need help with this one; i'm stumped. why do we "do church" the way we do?
i read some postings by scott williams that i came across via caleb. wow. he is an ex-pastor commenting on some observations about pastors. i only have three years experience working as a pastor, but four years of bible college on top of that, and a lifetime of being a pk church rat to throw in as well. most of what he said hit home with me. and it hurt...in an exposing, healing kind of way.
part 1
part 2
part 3
part 4
part 5
part 6
part 7
finale
God help me to learn these lessons now while i have the opportunity to live in the real world.
ok, on the recommendation of a friend i finally watched the movie saved. it's received a lot of criticism in many christian circles. i thought it was a great satire. well done for a teen flick and in many ways, eerily accurate. made me think...
what did you think about it? (this should be obvious, but keep your trap shut if you haven't watched it)
while at the conference we were led in singing by the david crowder band. this band, for me, has been a shining light among the deluge of crap often passed off as good music. they carefully craft music that goes beyond a mere melody and lyrics, and their newest album takes them to the next level in creative expression.
"a collision, or (3+4=7)" mixes ancient hymns, african american spirituals, good ol' southern bluegrass, electronica, and rock in a fusion that tingles the ear and brings a satisfied smile to the face. crowder & co. include some of their trademark "singables" following the successful models of "can i hear you" and "illuminate" in songs such as "here is our king" and "wholly yours." elsewhere, however, they meld musical styles to bring us into God's presence through everything from a meditative cover of sufjan stevens' "o God, where are you now? (in pickerel lake? pigeon? marquette? mackinaw?)" to a rock opera in "you are my joy." indeed, i think this album is best seen as an opera of sorts, a musical programme put together in such a way that it is best experienced straight through from beginning to end.
poetically, david crowder has honed his craft further to create lyrics that are beautiful, memorable, and layered with meaning. "a beautiful collision" has some good examples of this, but my favorite lyrics are found in "here is our king," especially the line "and what was said to the rose to make it unfold was said to me here in my chest, so be quiet now and rest."
all told, it is my opinion that "a collision or (3+4=7)" is the david crowder band's most musically and creatively mature offering to date and a harbinger of great things yet to come.
i just got back from my trip to pittsburgh with timmy b, mark b, and ben c, a couple days ago. we had a great time - shared many laughs and made many memories. stopping in to see ap on the way down was definitely a highlight.
for me, it was an odd trip to go on. i just resigned from my position of youth pastor and have no desire to go back to being a youth pastor in the near future....so why go to a youth pastor's convention? other than the fact that i had already bought my ticket...i went for the fun times with the guys and the retreat experience that the conference offered. not so much a retreat into solitude, but a retreat away from the ordinary to spend a weekend listening to what God might want to say through the conference. i had a great time. i didn't hear anything profound from God, but it did confirm for me that where i am at now is a good place to be. i had some good moments of rest in the midst of the craziness and was able to spend some much-coveted time with friends.
the highlight of the trip for me came late saturday evening. the four of us went to get some food and drinks at a nearby restaurant/pub and ended up having a wonderfully deep conversation and sharing time. something was said during that time that really hit me and meant much more to me than they had probably intended for it to... i'll be vulnerable here and tell you... they said that i seemed very authentic/genuine. a comment was made that i seemed a much different person than i was in college...in a good way. coming from the year i have spent allowing God to deconstruct and begin rebuilding my faith, this comment was a God moment for me... saying "see, i am doing something in you. you are becoming who i want you to be. it's working!"
that one moment was, for me, worth the entire trip and hundreds of dollars spent. it was so very encouraging for me....just the kind of thing God knew i needed to hear.
so for ben, mark, and timmy...thank you.
the title gives away this album. nothing is sound; nothing in this world is worth putting our trust in. i found this to be a beautiful album dealing with the reality of brokenness and hope being found in God. it's not stated that blatantly, but that's what poetry is all about... it communicates emotions, not solely propositions. and that is what i find in this album...songs full of the feeling that the world falls apart around us, but in the middle of it all we find hope in God.
when i listen to stars i hear a song about looking to God in the middle of our troubles. "when i look at the stars i see someone else"
when i listen to the shadow proves the sunshine i hear a beautiful song about the brokenness around and within us showing us in an even more powerful way the glory of God "crooked soul trying to stand up straight...the shadow proves the sunshine"
when i listen to easier than love i hear a song lamenting the misuse and abuse of sex in our society "she is easier than love, is easier than life...what have we done, what is the monster we've become"
when i listen to politicians i hear a song about placing one's allegiance and hope in God's kingdom rather than our frail ones full of political rivalries and problems. "we are broken, we are bitter, we're the problems, we're the politicians...i pledge allegiance to a country without borders, without politicians"
i hear songs that are dealing with the issues we face in the world around us with a perspective that is always placing hope in kingdom come. i think they best compare to the laments found in the psalms.
"does justice never find you? do the wicked never lose? is there any honest song to sing besides these blues? ...and nothing is okay until the world caves in" (the blues)
"my wound goes deeper than the skin. there's no hiding it, so i'm not trying it. my hope runs underneath it all, the day that i'll be home. finally back where we belong. finally free." (the setting sun)
